Blark Notes

Not quite sure what to call this...

2011-06-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

When I was a teenager, I always wore a lot of make up and thought a lot about what I was wearing even if it was just going to be the outfit I wore over my leotard for the drive to my ballet classes or rehearsals (which was always). Now, anyone who knew me then (probably just my immediate family at this point in terms of this blog's readership) may be feeling like reminding me that I was also weird... and wore weird stuff... like turquoise mascara with silver eyeliner... and rolled up all my jeans (which wasn't cool yet)... and clear plastic with silver glitter platforms... and as much hippie jewelry as I could get away with. But anyway...

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, in Texas ladies wear make up, and we mostly like it, and no one thinks it's weird. Around here, girls who wear make up (like, more than just clear mascara and tinted moisturizer) I think are usually labeled as one of the following: sorority girl, from Bellevue, from California, from Texas, or slutty. Maybe that's not fair, but come on... it's pretty true. When I first arrived here to dance at PNB, I got to keep up my Texan appearances. They wanted us to wear make up even though we were doing intense exercise all day. In fact, they'd comment when we all got tired and would often remind us that it mattered how we looked and maybe we needed to just wear a little more make up or put on some earrings. I never had trouble with that because, though I mostly HATE shopping, I do love shopping for lipstick and earrings and never felt fully dressed without both.

When I stopped dancing and started dating a short, somewhat grunge-styled boy (who I married), I did relax a little on my appearance. I definitely stopped wearing heels because of Brendan (and, yes, I miss it, but I feel like Bambi when I try to wear them now...), but the rest of my wardrobe became un-Texan just like I always wanted. I always had been kind of weird before, but it definitely increased. I swayed too far in the Seattle direction, though.

At this point, when I feel like I'm not interested in fitting any stylistic modes, I'm kind of sad because I've been dressing sort of bland for so long that whenever I wear something I really like, I feel really garish. Flashy people are ok, but when normal girl dresses flashy, everyone's thinking... umm... she needs a helper. I often say that I can't wait until I'm an old lady and have, I HOPE, truly gotten over giving a fig about what anyone thinks of my appearance and just will wear my costume jewelry, flashy clothing (I own a lot of sequins, people), pins, big earrings, big hair, sparkle lipgloss, and get back into my turquoise mascara and silver eyeliner. Then I can go back to Texas on vacation, and they can all wonder how that nice ballerina turned into such a weird, freaky, voodoo medicine (that means naturopathy) midwife... but maybe they'll want to know where I got my lipgloss and my hairspray.

This post is coming from the fact that the other day I got my new Mary Kay catalog in the mail from my Mary Kay man in Texas (see, things a lot of you didn't know about me). I've been feeling so hideous and drab since that miserable first trimester, and I often feel frustrated that I'm the only girl in my house (I grew up with a sister, and of course had tons of little ballerina sisters). So, I got out all my make up and potions, sat down with that catalog, and proceeded to do up my face like I used to when I was 17. It was SO fun. I even got out eye make up remover and did my eyes over again because I didn't like my eyeshadow combination the first time around. I also put on long earrings and picked a For Real outfit. I ALMOST wore platforms, but we had to go to a 3 year old party in a park on a chilly day; so, the shoes seemed a bit much. You know what? I FELT GREAT! I felt like I didn't look like death (or anemia at least) warmed over. I felt like I got to do an art project. I felt like I looked lovely.

I wondered why I don't just let Seattle think what they will; after all, I AM from Texas and I get flack for it all the time anyway even though I'm one of the most un-Texie Texans I've ever known ('cept for the Christian part!). I realize that my friends wear make up too, but I think it's pretty safe to say that very few of them have teal and sparkle-purple eyeshadows or ruby red lipgloss. It's happening people. I'm going to start being weird again. I'm just going to wear my hot pink shrugs and my green sparkle eyeliner.

Someone once passed on this fashion tip: When you're all done getting ready, quickly turn around to the mirror. Whatever your eye goes to first, take off.

Ummm... no thanks. I like that rhinestone costume jewelry pin... and the faux patent leather, school bus yellow flats... and the sequin tank top... and my maternity jeans... and my electric coral nail polish... and...

Well, maybe for starters I can just start wearing one flashy thing at a time. And just because I like it so much, I do want to start wearing make up again- like, more than just mascara and tinted moisturizer. You know, if I can manage to get myself and my two children clothed, shoed, fed, pottied, and on time... huh, maybe I'll just have a Make-up Day each month...

If I can get to it, what I really want to do is the pretty product review post I have in my head. But, I always wind up doing these weird public journal entries instead!!!

Meadowlark Cards

2011-06-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

Can't believe I haven't done this yet. (well, yes, I can... did you read my last post or what???)

I'm very happy to announce and lend my recommendation to Meadowlark Cards, a new crafty business belonging to my sister and her friend. Follow their blog for updates on the biz, and visit the etsy shop to purchase beautiful handmade cards! They have a lot of projects under their belts at this point and would love to talk with you about everything from wedding materials, baby announcements, and Father's Day cards (though, I suppose you're a little late for that for 2011!)

My First Trimester

2011-06-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

I realize that waiting until I'm 13 weeks pregnant to blab my business all over the internet seems very out of character for me. Of course, I have my good reasons, and I'll get to all that shortly. First, the happy announcement: I'm due to birth my next baby sometime around Christmas Day. (I am very serious about using a due "window" rather than "date" as I am, 2-for-2, late.) I am sorry if you didn't know yet, and we are friends. I told as many as I could in person and let it out on FB about a week ago.

I really have been a firm believer in celebrating a new life ASAP. Having had a pretty early miscarriage, I know that keeping it secret would NOT have made it easier for me or in any way less painful. That may be the case for some, so I try not to judge those who feel differently. However, I believe that most women keep their twelve week secret (through illness and all!) out of fear due to the taboo on miscarriage that our culture has sadly allowed.

So, why did I wait? Oh, that's a long answer, and all shall be revealed.

First, I'll share an interesting and somewhat disturbing discovery: announcing a third baby is EXTREMELY different than announcing the first or second, and the responses, I believe, reveal much about an individual's feelings and perspectives on children and parenting. No kidding. I have had some downright nasty sounding responses even from people I thought I knew well. "Oh my gosh, are you ok?" "Oh, no!" "Why in the world would you do that?" "But, you'll be done after this one." and the classic, "This was an accident, right?" Aside from all that, though, some people react with pure worry. These reactions are usually from people who've had difficult babies or a rough time with their own children, so I totally understand. Still, it's not really the response you want.

To be fair, my 2nd and 3rd children are going to be very close in age, 19 mos, (exactly how we wanted, for the most part). And, having a baby is difficult no matter what, but I can see how having 3 under 3.5 seems a little crazy. That's all fine. I know it's a little nuts, but I sort of crave those out-of-my-element situations that force me to trust God for my every breath and move. Not to mention the fact that every day as a parent of any number of children is an opportunity to believe what God, the Maker and Lover of those children, says about them rather than listen to the absolute lies of the world and even my own heart. According to the Bible, children are a blessing from the Lord, a heritage, a reward (PS 127). According to many on the planet, children are parasites sent only to suck your will to live OR are meant to be some chance to relive your own childhood and try to eke out some significance for your life. I will definitely, wholeheartedly agree that all the items in that last sentence are often true, and I don't think it's bad to admit that. HOWEVER, if you believe every day that children are a pain, then they will be just that: a BIG, FAT PAIN. If you believe every day that your children are your reason for living and that everything will be fine if only your kids turn out ok, then you are not safe. So, Rib and I have gone into this pregnancy like we're learning to go into every new heart-wrenching adventure in parenting (and love, and marriage, and life...) with the attitude that what God says is true and that if this is what he wants for our lives, then we will have everything we need to not just survive, but to learn and thrive.

Thankfully, we are surrounded by lovely friends and family who gave us the same genuine smiles, laughter, and "hoorays!" that came with our previous announcements. For you, dear ones, we are thankful! If we didn't have some good energy around us, it would be much harder to be brave!

I'll admit that having the surprise of negative feedback made me want to keep a bit more mum about our news. But my main reason, initially, was the fact that on the day my two pink lines showed up Brendan was preparing for his last day at Urbanspoon. We had decided a few weeks prior that Brendan would leave Urbanspoon, a secure, well-paying job and group of people that we love, to start from scratch as the only developer on a new project. I cannot say what it is, but I will say that after 2 months, I'm excited about the possibilities and slightly terrified at the same time. It is a risky move in that we are living on our savings to do it; but we feel good about it as Brendan has dreamed of this for a long time, and we have faith that a new job will crop up if we need it! Still, my heart leapt to my throat for more than one reason when my test was positive. I wanted to wait to spread the baby news, so that Brendan wouldn't get as many raised eyebrows. He was taking a big step already, and while I know that Brendan can handle a LOT at one time, I was afraid that he'd get a bunch of skepticism which would kill both his start-up and baby joy all in one swoop. I also didn't want his partner to worry that Brendan would be too distracted to do good work.

THEN, things got SO STINKIN' HARD! It makes me sad and tired to rehearse it all, so I'm going to give you the bullet points:

more nausea than the last two
anemia (I should type it like this: ANEMIA THAT DOES NOT RESPOND TO SUPPLEMENTS OR DIET! AGGHHH! I'M SO FAINT AND TIRED I CANNOT FUNCTION... ugghhh.... choke... gasp.... fizzle... out... to... depressed... nothingness...)
hypothyroidism
norovirus (times 4)
strep throat (twice)
Ivo sick for 2 months
me sick for 2 months
sick baby desperately nursing practically around the clock
hormonal craziness
near total loss of spiritual fortitude
a little bleeding
difficult to find heartbeat
husband having to be mommy, wife, AND start-upping husband. Oh, and Daddy.
introvert husband dying from overuse
extrovert wife suffering from humanity withdrawals
a plucky Ezra bouncing off the walls.

Ok, I do have to stop here to praise Primo. He has put up with so much dysfunction from his mother in the last couple months, and done so beautifully. He's been sweet, affectionate, helpful, and very patient (all in a going-on-3-years-old way, but I'll take it!!!)

You can see from that pathetic list that I'm worn out. It has been very difficult, and I've asked myself many times what business I have being pregnant. Good thing God has business with me being pregnant; I feel better when I think about it that way. Brendan's and my personality differences have been more obvious and challenging than ever, but we're talking, talking, talking through it all. Thankfully, things FINALLY took a turn over the weekend due to beginning iron/B12 injections, moving closer to a correct dose for my thyroid med, and leaving the 1st trimester behind. I've also been cutting back some on the nursing. Beginning last week (too late!), I finally started getting good at asking for help which did a lot for my mood.

So, there you have it: why I've been MIA. Totally legitimate! Meanwhile, I get to have another baby! Despite all this mess, I have, as usual, already fallen in love with my new baby who we call, very creatively, "New Baby" or sometimes Newbie. I'm very excited to give birth again, and I cannot wait to find out if it's a boy or girl. Ezra says it's a boy and that we shall name him "Bartells." Yeah, I don't think I'm going to use the name "Bartells;" we'll break it to him sometime soon.

Photo Book

2011-05-18T22:10:00.001-07:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

iVO

2011-03-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

Friends joked that we should spell his name "iVO" to be en vogue with the times and the almost simultaneous unveiling of him and the iPad. Well, here are a few pics of iVO from my iPhone.

I love this next one because I'm trying to pose while Ivo is excited that he got hold of a knife while I was distracted :)

and, a defining feature of my last year: harried, public breastfeeding

As you can see, the iPhone camera has a LONG way to go! And, yes, it's a 4. The iVO is simply the cutest, happiest, funniest...

Gardening

2011-03-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

We finally did some gardening. I've been dreaming of gardening at this house ever since we moved in, but last year I was too busy growing Ivo to do it. As I hacked at the weeds and blackberry root brains, all I could think about was sin in my heart. I imagined God doing the hard work of yanking all that stuff out. I thought about how He removes branches that don't produce fruit. I imagined my little seedlings getting choked out by the weeds and seed falling on rocky soil. Never having gardened as an adult, it was truly a joy to experience the beautiful object lesson that it is. Time after time Jesus (and Paul and the other disciples) speaks in organic, botanical terms about our hearts, the Spirit, his words, and his kingdom.

It. was. SO. COOL.

And, I even got a garden out of it. I wish I had "before" pictures... oy, what a mess!

Health Spa Vacation for < $10

2011-03-24T20:11:00.000-07:00

Need a tropical vacation? You especially do if you live in Seattle! The last few days have been gloriously warm and sunny, but a couple weeks ago it was SO cold and misty/raining non-stop. I usually don't get too down about the weather, but the fact that we didn't get our usual (10 years in a row, at least) week or two of sunshine in February meant that we went a LONG time in the cold, grey dark!

I went to Maui on my honeymoon, and I dream of getting back there ASAP on a weekly basis. I was especially jonesy for it when I saw coconuts for sale at my neighborhood grocery store during the chilly grey. Thus we arrive at...

Requirement #1: Fresh Coconut, $3.00

Meanwhile, chia seed has apparently been pretty trendy lately as health foods go. I didn't know this when I bought my bag. What I did know was that the raw/vegan newsletter I receive suggested chia pudding as an energy boosting snack. I also knew that Brendan had brought it up as a backpacking food. So, when I saw a bag of them, I figured we'd give it a try.

Requirement #2: Bag o' Chia Seed, $5.00

A bit about chia seed:

Yes, it is the same thing you use on a Chia Pet. It is also full of soluble fiber, protein, and omega 3 fatty acids. It has a very mild flavor, which makes it a good base ingredient for puddings because you can make it taste however you want. I'll tell you the truth: it tastes like "health food," but unless you've already conditioned yourself to dislike such things (by over-sugaring and over-fatting and over-salting everything), you will like it! Ezra liked it and asked for more. The texture is like small, a little bit crunchy, tapioca. If you hate anything gelatinous (or even hate the word gel-a-tin-ous), you are highly likely to hate chia. But, try it anyway (aka MAN UP).

Requirement #3: Homemade Almond Milk, $1.00

Here's what you do:

First, watch this:

Then, crack open your coconut. We followed these instructions, and it was truly easy. Pour the coconut water into a glass. (If you're like me, the obsessed new owner of a soda stream, carbonate the coconut water and give it a drop of pure vanilla extract and a twist of lime.

Shred some coconut meat.

Mix one part chia seed, your shredded coconut, and two parts homemade almond milk. You could also use the coconut water as part of your liquid if you don't want to drink it. Coconut milk as the liquid is positively decadent.

Stir it and put it in the fridge, covered.

A couple hours later or in the morning, for breakfast, stir chia pudding and EAT IT.

Brendan and I both felt GREAT during the day that we ate our chia pudding. Brendan even reported feeling extra energetic for his bike ride into work. Chia seeds are like a facial for your insides (little bit gross? maybe, but it's a good thing... I promise), and the oils from the coconut are good for everything from (supposedly) your thyroid to your shiny hair.

To make this treat especially sunny, do what we did and go ahead and make it a chia pina colada by adding some diced fresh pineapple (adds another $3.00, if you're a good shopper). Now you've got tons of vitamin C in there!

It's ok to sprinkle a little sugar on it or stir in some agave, honey, or brown rice syrup for a little sweetness.

Do a good google search, and you'll find a zillion other recipes for chia. That's good, because you're likely to have lots left.

Thank You for Your Concern

2011-03-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

No, I wasn't drunk, though I realize that the post had a drunk dial feel. I was really just all emotional from looking at a year's worth of family photos and seeing the new babe.

And, you know me; I'd tell you if I was ;)

No business...

2011-03-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

I've got no business posting at this hour...

I should be asleep...

and I've had one big glass of wine which, since Ivo, is ENOUGH.

But, I'd just like to say:

I LOVE the Richards new baby Levi.

I miss all of you that I should be missing TERRIBLY.

And...

I'll talk to you later.

On Housekeeping

2011-03-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

I grew up surrounded by neat freaks. My mom, dad, and sister are all GREAT at being organized and keeping things clean. I never realized until recently exactly how much the immaculately organized and disinfected environment in which I was raised has affected me. I'm not saying they are OCD or anything; they just have high standards AND the ability to meet their own standards. To my mother's credit, even though she kept the house so lovely, I don't remember it ever feeling like it was a place where we were not allowed to live and play and make messes. That is an amazing accomplishment. They never seemed stressed out that I was going to "mess up" all their work. HOWEVER, I was and still am continually called out for being the one who is messy... Messy Bessie, to be exact.

Here is my dilemma: I have inherited the high standards and know how pleasant it is to live in a very clean, well organized home, but I did not get the genes that supply that innate ability to meet the high standard. I am not saying I don't know how to do it; I just REALLY suck at it. My mom made sure we knew how to keep things nice. 6 days of the week we labored and did all our chores. Mine were something like this:

M: clean the bathroom (toilet, bathtub, sink, fixtures, baseboards, sweep, mop, clean towels, etc.)

T: Dust living and dining room furniture

W: Vacuum everything but Mom's and Whitney's room

Th: Clean my room (change sheets, dust, vacuum, organize)

F: Sweep the garage

S: Do all your own laundry- including your own color-coded bathroom towels.

In addition to this, Whitney and I cleaned the kitchen every night which included loading the dishwasher, hand washing some stuff, cleaning the counters, table, and cleaning the sink with Comet.

Yes. I'm serious. No. I'm not exaggerating. Yes. Until the last couple years, I thought all decent families have houses this clean. No. I'm not complaining! Yes. I absolutely plan to do this with my own children just as soon as they're ready. (I remember Whitney using a step stool at the washing machine on her laundry day.)

GO MOM!

You see my dilemma, right? Do you think I'm able to get all that done each week at my house? HECK, NO! Do you think I get all that done in a month (particularly the floor cleaning...)? HECK, NO! So, I have existed in a miserable state of self-loathing for my inadequacies- especially since finishing school and being a "full-time, stay-at-home mom."

My other compromising factor is that my husband is almost NOTHING like my father, except that he is a wonderful, loving, God-loving man. But, I have to beg for Brendan to notice messes. My dad is practically programmed to make them disappear.

Brendan is often kind to mention that I don't know what my parents' house looked like when I was 2.5, and my mom never had two children under 2 at once. Still, I don't want to set myself up to expect to be able to accomplish all that my mother did when the kids are older.

2 things have helped me in my state of dilemma:

#1: Housekeeping Service

Yes. I have had "maids." Yes. That makes me feel like a spoiled white girl. Yes. I had to convince Brendan. I'm not sure what has possessed me to so publicly reveal this (not that it is a secret), but I think I just want other moms to know that it's ok! When I was 9 mos pregnant (broken foot and all!), I got to have cleaning twice a month- my baby gift from my mom and Brendan because they knew how much that would help me. By the time Ivo was a month old, I begged Brendan to let me keep having the cleaning once a month. That way, I could know that at least once a month, my home was how I want it. And. YES. Coming home after the cleaners have been here is AMAZING. It is not as expensive as you might think, and it is COMPLETELY worth it. I have never been one to spend money on stuff (clothes, jewelry...), so my spending money has been reserved for this once a month cleaning. Of course, this also implies that Brendan and I have been greatly blessed to have some spending money- a gift from God for which we are continually thankful and a little bit shocked.

BUT, I'm experiencing an inner revolution that has lead to the cancelling of the housecleaning service. Some of that is that Ivo is older and therefore sleeping well, so I have my energy back. But mostly it's due to...

#2: Life Changing Realization: It is OK

It is OK...

to not have a house as clean as my parents. They are special.

It is OK...

because no one expects that from me but me.

It is OK...

because God didn't give me that gift. He gave me other stuff, and if I spend all my time trying to clean my house to live up to this standard that only I carry, then I'm not able to use the other things.

It is OK...

because needing grace is good. If I could truly "do it all and have it all" as some brands of feminism suggest, I wouldn't need God. And I like needing God. I also would have the "right" to judge other's who don't do it all and have it all. And I don't need that... REALLY, don't need that.

Today, I looked around the house and as the freak-out session began to well up within me at the sight of my cluttered bathroom counter and toys on the living room floor, for the first time, I comfortably said to myself... "WHO CARES? Brendan? Nope. Ez and Ivo? Nope. God? I don't think so. It's just you! And do you really care? NOPE! I know I can clean that stuff up if I want to or need to. But, right now, today, it's FINE for that stuff to be out. It's not unsanitary. It's not dangerous. It's FINE!"

So, I exercised. I journaled. I cleaned the kitchen (because I DID care, and it wasn't sanitary...).

SO GOOD TO BE FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, I reserve the right to save my spending money for housecleaning every 6 mos or so just so I can know the floors are getting a good cleaning and that the grout has been scrubbed.

So, what's the ridiculous standard you can't meet or let go? It's all idolatry you know...

Heartsy

2011-03-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

Heartsy is etsy's new groupon-esque endeavor. Visit this link to sign-up, and then vote for Bethany's shop CityThistle to be a featured shop!

Dulse Salad

2011-03-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

Dulse is a deep red sea vegetable (aka: seaweed), and I was able to find it at PCC in a dry form. It has VERY high iron and mineral content - something I need a lot of ever since my pregnancy with Ivo. 1/3 C has about 19% of your daily iron requirement!

As with all these new raw foods adventures, I'm using Feeding the Whole Family as my inspiration. Though I still stand by every glowing thing I've ever said about this WONDERFUL book, the Dulse Salad with Lemon Tahini dressing just about made me barf!!! It takes a LOT to do that to me.

However, that was no fault of the dulse. In fact, I found the dulse pretty mild in flavor and can see how it would blend well into almost any salad. My problem was with the massive amount of red onion the recipe required. Actually, I only included 1/2 of what the recipe asked (one WHOLE thinly sliced red onion).

So, here's what my version of the recipe included:

1/2 thinly sliced red onion

2 large, chopped celery ribs

~1 C of dulse, soaked in cold water and thoroughly rinsed

toss veggies with 1 (maybe it was even 2) tbsp unfiltered apple cider vinegar (b/c I didn't have br. rice vinegar) and a pinch of sea salt

The dressing:

1/2 cup tahini

juice of 1 lemon

1 clove crushed garlic

1 tsp Tamari (LOVE this stuff... it's soy sauce, but better... we'll talk about it later)

1/3 cup water

(It was also supposed to have olive oil, but I was running low and left it out. No biggie- it was still really tasty dressing)

Ms. Lair recommends chilling the veggie mix for 1 hour and then serving it on a red lettuce leaf with the dressing on top. I chilled it for about 2.5 hours then tossed it with my baby greens mix from my produce delivery box and some of the dressing.

Our first reactions were, "Wow, this is really good!" Then we both started saying, "whoa, too much onion... whoa, this is giving me heart burn." Then, Brendan finished his, but I choked down one more bite, and then had to consciously not vomit the whole thing back into my plate. WAY. TOO. MUCH. ONION. On a positive note, I feel like I for once ate enough raw onion to maybe experience some of it's reported antibiotic properties... too bad I will try to NEVER do that again.

So, next time- less onion! more celery! more vinegar! I'll let ya know how it goes.

Moral of the story: If it seems like something in a recipe is going to be gross to you, it probably is going to be gross to you. If it's something you've never tried, do it anyway. If it's a well known quantity, then having it in a new recipe probably won't magically make it good. For example, eating 1/4 of a raw onion will probably taste like eating one quarter of a raw onion!

As for dulse, I'm ALL about it, and I'll definitely buy it again. I'm eager to try toasting it and grinding it into flakes to make a sprinkle-on, salty, veggie-booty-esque additive. Cynthia recommends doing this for baby food. Great idea!

Almond Milk

2011-03-09T19:48:00.000-08:00

Totally Easy.

I adapted our recipe from Feeding the Whole Family by Cynthia Lair. Seriously, if you don't own this book yet, just buy it!!! It's worth the money.

We started with the standing blender, but our crappy blender didn't do too well with step one:

blend 1/2 cup almonds and a few tablespoons of water into a paste.

We had success with the hand-blender and then transfered the paste to the blender with:

1 tbsp of brown rice syrup and 2 cups of water

Blend until combined. You can strain it through cheesecloth (which I would do if I wanted to put it in coffee or something), but we're just using it for cereal, recipes, oatmeal, chia pudding, etc.

And, yes, we did the math- it's WAY cheaper to make than buy, and you're in charge of the additives.

I WOULD make it again.

A little inspiration

2011-03-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

After chatting with Beth today, I've decided on one pretty safe topic to blog about: our attempts at raw foods recipes. Brendan and I are both totally into it, and imagining the blog post will help inspire me to keep trying new things. Tonight, we made almond "milk." (Yes, you can write it "mylk," but that reminds me of the hippie trends I don't like... "wymyn-" that's all I'm gonna write.)

So, pics, recipe, and opinions soon to come!

Other topics I'm considering:
Why yoga is not just "ok," but GOOD for Christians...
My own bloopers reel (with the spazzy children I have- you can only imagine!)
Laundry date night: best relationship invention ever

Off to stir my chia seed pudding (oh, yeah! Get REALLY excited!!!)

6th Day Speech

2011-03-07T09:09:00.000-08:00

Here's the speech I gave at the 6th Day Dance fundraiser last night. You can visit us at http://www.sixthdaydance.org for more information.

City Thistle

2011-02-24T15:50:00.000-08:00

"What" you ask "could bring Jesky out of blog hibernation? Has something extremely wonderful/hilarious/tragic finally happened? Has she hired a full time nanny? Has she decided that Ivo is just SO underrepresented on the blog that she better get crackin'?"

All of those would be REALLY good reasons to blog, but I make no promises. For now, go visit CityThistle, pick your favorite thing, and then post a comment at Still in St.Louis by Friday evening to get a chance to win an item from my Bethany's new Etsy shop!

Guidebook for a Decade

2010-08-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

I'm fairly certain that August 31, 2010 is the 10 year anniversary of my life in Seattle. When you're 27, 10 years is a LONG time, so this is feeling like a really big deal to me. Considering the fact that this past decade has covered the biggest transition period one has in life, from child to adult, I truly have enough memories of joys and disasters that I'm sure I could make one of those artsy coming of age films complete with some cool indie soundtrack or write a novel with some elusive cover image that might be a super-close-up of a cheek and earlobe or a sandy beach... you just can't tell, it's that artsy. However, those are all pretty overrated, and I don't need to write a novel for myself. And, let's face it: no one loves her own story more than she herself. So, for my own sake, and the sake of those of you who were with me for this formative phase here's my quick look. This is my Tour Brochure for a Decade in the Life of Ms. Jesky M Bera. This is what you'll want to have with you if you ever board a time machine and decide to visit my life. It includes the "must sees" of each year from the heartwarming to the heartwrenching... here we go.

Years begin in September

2000/01

Synopsis: Jessica moves to Seattle from Amarillo, TX feeling like a large guppy that outgrew her Amarilloan aquarium only to find that being a guppy, no matter how large you were at home, does not achieve much when you're dropped in the lake.

Days are spent: DANCING at PNB and learning, oh, SO much. Pondering my Christian faith.

Best Moment: August 19, 2001: first talking with Brendan on a bench outside of Green Lake Zoka (which we called Zoka... b/c it was the only one) about continuing our dating and considering the fact that maybe we'd be married someday

Worst Moment: Feeling completely alone and friendless in my first dark, wet Seattle winter and bawling alone in my car.

The Song in my Heart: Counting Crows' Raining in Baltimore

If You Have Time... : first and only car accident, youth group retreat where I met this short boy that I'd marry someday, party crashing

2001/02

Synopsis: The happiest dancing year of Jessica's life, this year was probably also the most ebullient time she's yet had. She kicked loneliness in the butt by making lifelong friends and had also committed to no underage partying. Good clean fun all around.

Days are Spent: Dancing well at PNB and earning a reputation as a nice, happy girl... which I was.

Best Moment: visit any old day and you'll likely find me in the middle of my favorite times ever- dance partying with my ballerina friends, ordering pizza, and watching Friends

Worst Moment: oh, I don't even know. Some stupid fight with Stayce probably.

Song in My Heart: Abba's Dancing Queen, Sunny Day Real Estate's The Ocean

If you have time...: Carla getting on TV as the Olympic torch runs by, Zoolander parties, Tour with PNB to the Hollywood Bowl, 1st anniversary with Brendan when i got my gold necklace I'm wearing right now

2002/03

Synopsis: Things start to S U C K, but God also dropped me into some of my most meaningful relationships to date. Brendan and I got real serious, and we met Beth and Dan

Days are Spent: at physical therapy, crying in church, getting counsel from Nathan and Sarah

Best Moment: Dancing "Company Flowers" at 1st dress rehearsal for Nutcracker. I didn't know it then, but that was the Zenith of my little career. That moment is tied, believe it or not, with dumping Brendan's puke bucket at Overlake Hospital mid cyclical-vomiting spell and knowing for sure for the first time that I'd marry him b/c I never wanted anyone else to dump his bucket.

Worst Moment: Somehow knowing and praying "please, God, don't let me fall" and then falling anyway. Tied with: coming home from Raleigh, NC knowing that I'd never be a professional dancer. That was, in fact, the worst moment of my life at that point.

The Song in my Heart: Death Cab for Cutie's We Have the Facts and We're Voting "Yes," along with Nathan's re-tune for Be Still My Soul

If you have time... : Why would you spend it here? IT SUCKED (but, God is good all the time, and I truly wouldn't trade it. I learned A LOT)

2003/04

Synopsis: (I'm sad to say that I barely remember this year. I've blocked it out, but I think...) Jessica convinces her sad parents that she CANNOT lave Seattle because she still hates Texas, she needs to stay at Green Lake Pres, and she still loves "that boy from church"

Days are Spent: going to North Seattle Community College and working as an admin asst at PNB.

Best Moment: Beth and Dan starting to date. Really, I think that is it. I think this was a fun Sasquatch year too.

Worst Moment: Some sad sorry day walking around the concrete depression that is NSCC with an aching back

The Song in my Heart: Transatlantacism

If you have time... : Brendan and I stumbling our way through our requests to my parents for their blessings on our plans to get engaged

2004/2005

Synopsis: Jessica and Brendan finally get married. Who cares what else happened?

Days are Spent: as above, but with wedding planning. So, it wasn't so bad anymore.

Best Moment: My Wedding, Honeymoon, and Engagement

Worst Moment: Our first ugly fight

The Song in My Heart: Nathan's (again) Psalm 22

If you have time...: The engagement was really me in a nutshell, oy, crazy lady

2005/06

Synopsis: Jessica and Brendan love being married. Brendan gets his first real dev job, and Jessica goes to Business School at the UW. And, Amos is born. Then they learned how heavy life can really get.

Days are Spent: Hosting dinner parties with all our wedding gifts, doing homework, and working for PNB and through my PNB issues with a psychologist.

Best Moment: Holding Amos, meeting my sister's future husband for the first time

Worst Moment: realizing that I had truly been chewed up and spit out by PNB, being afraid that Sarah could have died and that Amos might

Song in My Heart: DeVotchka's How it Ends

If you have time: The rain and hail Sasquatch

2006/07

Synopsis: Jessica and Brendan learn what being grown-ups is really like with first full time jobs and first pregnancies.

Days are Spent: finishing degrees, napping and morning-sick

Best Moment: That stick says "Pregnant" (we don't full around with pink lines) twice

Worst Moment: That bloodwork says "not pregnant." Crying uncontrollably in the airport as the Robbins leave for Africa (that was great in a way too,though)

Song in My Heart: The Decemberists' Crane Wife

If you have time...: The graduation from the UW Business School during which I am miscarrying our first baby, Speck, the brief but fun and creative jaunt of Luxe & Jacs

2007/08

Synopsis: Jessica feels a new kind of sad as she grieves Speck and a new exhilaration with the natural, drug-free birth of Ezra. Friendships all re-form.

Days are Spent: Pregnant

Best Moment: Birth of my second child, Ezra Wray Ribera

Worst Moment: Partains leave

Song in my Heart: Crosby Stills Nash and Young's Suite: Judy Blue Eyes (this is because of the birth- "Sometimes it hurts so badly I must cry out loud...")

If you have time: Go to Tennessee for Elijah's birth

2008/09

Synopsis: Jessica begins to feel recovered from the last five years and loves her son like crazy.

Days are Spent: changing diapers, learning to pray, and maybe seeing for the first time how God really looks at me

Best Moment: "Pregnant," and all of those first baby firsts

Worst Moment: Learning the meaning of "sleep deprivation," seeing "failure to thrive" as a diagnosis (uggh, that was really THE worst)

Song in my Heart: Barry Louis Polisar's All I Want is You

If you have time...: My return to dancing with 6th Day Dance

2009/2010

Synopsis: Jessica has an exhausting pregnancy with a busy toddler, but she can see so clearly that God's will is real and right. Then, he blesses her with a birth that (she prays) convinces her once and for all that God works through blessing as well as trial.

Days are Spent: physically unwell and spiritually strong in a strength not my own

Best Moment: the day of Ivo's beautiful, wonderful, inspiring birth

Worst Moment: holding down my firstborn while he woke up freaking out from the anesthesia after his second surgery

Song in my Heart: Welcome Wagon's Up on a Mountain

If you have time...: Ez meeting Ivo for the first time, visits with our friends, sorting through Brendan's blessed pile of job offers

Oh, goodness, so much goes on in a life. I could do a whole separate post on the church's life and its affect on me and another just on the spiritual themes, lessons, and struggles.

I do wish to thank my lovely and loving parents for letting me move here. I just told Dad today that I can now begin to imagine how incredibly difficult that must have been.

I have ended up in such a different place than I thought I was headed for when I got here. I still sometimes feel like a dancer on a detour, but this amazing family of mine is no detour - they are my very life. Of course, I know that at the bottom of all of this stuff of my life, what I truly am is a tiny but beloved piece of the kingdom of God. What piece of clay knows in the beginning what she will be at the end of ten years... or her whole life. I just hope that "when I reach the margin of that lone river thou didst cross for me a heavenly light may flash along its waters and every wave like crystal bright shall be." (can't help but wax this way as I think of Barbara's passing this morning.)

Thank you God for your will being worked and your faithfulness to me.

2010-07-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

On that note...

Here are some fun pictures of our kiddos from the last month or so.
Ezra no longer has plockies! He's been off them for the daytime since about Christmas but has had them for sleeping. They got thrown in the trash can after his birthday party. If you ask him where they are now, he'll say they're at the trash man's house (or in any trash truck we pass on the road. "Hey, that trash man take my plockies!") So far, he's done great :)

A couple from the b-day party. We'll TRY to post a couple videos later

ZOO

My cuties. Ez likes to have his diaper changed with Ivo

Fourth of July was rainy but fun... especially since the Richards were there. Ez and Sam can hit a pretty good stride sometimes, and they did great that night.

My favorite photo shoot with Ez of his life so far. He wanted to run in his socks in the rain. I said, "ok!"

Ivo and one of his many baby friends :)

These are from my first solo zoo trip with the boys... OY! But, Ivo looked like this, so it wasn't that bad!

A birthday party with some of his favorites!

(he was so tired afterward, he fell asleep mid-snack on the way home)
I just know that someday we'll look back on this photo when someone is getting married... I hope we will!

sorry, duplicate

Helmet for the burley
Trying to cut wiggle-worm's hair required popcorn and "Cars"

Just Gotta Tell Ya

2010-06-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

This is too funny.

When I was 18, I got to go on tour with Pacific Northwest Ballet down to the Hollywood Bowl to perform as one of Hyppolyta's hounds in the ballet version of Midsummer Night's Dream. IT WAS GREAT! Even though my 5 friends and I had a silly part in the show, we thought we were living the dream. We got more per diem than we knew what to do with. Most of us ate about 10 bucks worth of food a day usually (for poverty reasons... not anorexic ones), but they gave us $80! $80 a day is ridiculous. And we stayed in a FANCY (by our standards) hotel right at Hollywood and Highline. Coolio was outside the lobby on the phone, and all the season 1 American Idol finalists were staying there. Some reported seeing Paula Abdul.

Anyway, one highlight for us was that Julie Andrews came to our show. Yes, THE Julie Andrews. We mobbed her as she went out the performers exit through our side stage area, and our one silly friend, being very cool, shrieked at her, "You were Mary Poppins!" Super Smooth. Anyway, Ms. Andrews let us have our picture taken with her, and it made our fantasy of a trip complete. Here is that famous photo:

That's me on your right, Julie's left :)

Who took the picture for us? Well, she was in a group of people, and one guy looked sort of familiar, but we were too dazzled by Mary Poppins to care. So, we threw our disposable cameras at him, and he kindly obliged us. He gave very good direction...

Because he was GARRY MARSHALL!!! I just realized last night as I watched a movie he directed. Perhaps you've heard of some of his other films... like PRETTY WOMAN! So, my degrees of separation to practically everyone who works in movies or tv just got down to ONE. My favorite of his connections: Dick Van Dyke, to whom, if I'd met him, I would have screamed, "You're Burt from Mary Poppins!"

Ivo

2010-06-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

Ezra is out at the "Mobal Bains" (trns: Barnes and Noble Trains) with Grandma Laura, and Ivo is sleeping peacefully in the Moses basket (despite a cold... oh, poor second child). So, dear reader, I'm posting photos!!!

First, a few words about Segundo:
We think he's awesome. He's a very mellow baby. He slept in the sling today through Ezra's toddler music class at Gymboree. All the mommies were shocked :). He sleeps ok; he wakes a lot but is really good about going right back to sleep when I tuck him in next to me after he eats. He eats like a CHAMP; I have more milk than I know what to do with, and I thank God for it EVERY DAY!!! So different than last time! Ivo has already come so beautifully through some owies and illness, and I can see that he (at least at almost 4 wks...) is WAY more like Brendan personality-wise. That's great! I love Brendan's personality (although it often mystifies me b/c we are SO different). I can't wait to see if Ez and Ivo have similar difficulties relating to each other... but that's getting ahead of ourselves. Right now he's just a great baby; Ezra is a good, nice brother; and we are tired but extremely happy parents.

Couple little things about Ez: more hilarious by the day, clever as all get-out, compassionate and emotionally perceptive... oh, and SUPER NAUGHTY sometimes :). He has just started in the last week to get jealous about Ivo needing me all the time (to eat), and he insists that I carry him every chance I get. So, that's all normal and understandable, but if you're gonna pray for us about something, that'd be my request.

Now PHOTOS:

That's my MOTHER... not my sister :)

This is the look I have on my face in almost all the pictures...

Poppy and his two boys :). This makes me so happy, and I can't wait to get to TEXAS!

All GQ in his Aunt Pants onesie. First shirt he ever wore :)

First check-up. We were sad that Leslie was on vacation...

belly smiles

MOBY DAD!!!

Birthday Pictures

2010-05-27T18:18:00.001-07:00

The new camera (I lost the first one we had when Ez was 9 mos!) was my Mother's Day present and came in the mail about an hour or two before I became convinced I was in labor. Thank God!!!

Happy to be 9 cm

9 cm and laboring all snuggled with Rib

Pushing

My purple baby...

who started turning...

pink!

telling my Mom and Dad

skin to skin with Daddy

Wish I had a better pic of Mel!

snuggled and happy in my recovery bed

newborn exam

OH, so that's how they do it :)

perfectly fresh

happy family! (minus 1 important member!!!)

double-duty mobile hook!

meeting for the first time!

Out of order...
Around the time I thought, "Oh... yeah, I'm gonna have to give birth again"

all prepared

Tub in my living room

My best friend :)

Birth Story

2010-05-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

I have a bit of time and the shred of energy to match, so here is our story- sans photos. I'll just upload a pile of pics whenever we figure out getting the pics off the new camera :)

As made obvious by the previous post, Ivo was running "late," and this mommy was just beginning to feel a little nervous on day 8 of his lateness. I was a 3 wk late induction baby; my sister was induced as well. Ezra was 6 days late. So, I felt ready to start trying to do what we could to get the kid to come on out. My friend went into labor 4 days before her due date, so I knew that my midwife probably didn't want me to have him that day. Still, it stung a little when I called to ask for an acupuncture referral, and I got plain told that I needed to wait until after friend had her baby. I knew that was the best thing to do, but I was really sad and having a hard time knowing how to feel about the fact that for 9 days now, all my midwives were GLAD I wasn't in labor. They had a heckuva couple of weeks, so I don't blame them and know that it was all God's will and grace for us all that Ivo didn't come during the crazy time.

I should mention here the metaphor that I adopted for waiting to go into labor. Imagine me and Ezra walking to the park me with picnic basket and awesome sandbox toys in hand. I have the perfect spot in mind and great time planned- better than Ez could even imagine. Ezra, however, doesn't know what is in store for him and is distracted to whole way there by all the "better" things he could do- like play in the rocks in the neighbors yard or blow dandelion fluff. If he had the vocabulary, he'd say, "Mom, really, this is what we should do! Trust me. I've thought a lot about this and conditions are perfect for us to have fun, right here, right now!" I have to say a lot of, "no, honey. Come on. Keep walking. We'll be there soon; I promise -- you're going to love what I have in mind. It's better than those rocks. I've thought of things for us to do you've never even dreamed about!" Now, I'm a good parent, so I don't mind my child's childish enthusiasm for how we should be having fun together. I think it's cute actually, unless he gets whiney when I make him come to terms and keep walking- away from his good idea, his vision for his labor and birth... I mean picnic. So, the analogy is easy, right? I'm the Ezra. God is my good parent. I felt very strongly that God loved my excitement but would be saddened by my whining or despairing whenever my plan didn't materialize, and he made me keep walking.

After God told me to keep walking through Cindie that 8th morning, he gave me some new cause for excitement by her telling me that we could break my water the next morning. YAY! I was nervous because I didn't want to break the water if my body wasn't ready to labor, but I was ready to accept the risks and get on with it; I'd been 4 cm for almost a month for crying out loud (which, for the record, truly tells you nothing about WHEN you will go!!!). On morning 9, May 12th, My Mom-in-law picked Ezra up for a day of fun and picking up Grandpa from the airport. (One of my BIG desires for the birth was that Ezra be able to have his Grandma Laura and Grandpa both around.) We had long before gotten everything ready for Ezzie's overnight stay in the event that I did go into labor. Brendan took the day off, and we headed to Cindie's to see about breaking the water. Cindie and I both prayed that we'd have peace about the decision, and when we arrived at her office, all three of us were on the same peaceful page.

She TRIED to break the water. She tried hard! She did cervical massage, and we pushed on me every which way to try to get the water to bubble out and give her something to grab with her little metal hook. She was scared to try too hard because Ivo's head was SO LOW and pushing hard against my cervix, and she didn't want to scrape him up. After about 20 minutes, we gave up and just went with stripping my membranes. It was disappointing, but we were glad too because we'd prayed that it wouldn't work if it wasn't the right thing. I left there 5 cm dilated and ready to walk around and wait for some labor.

We went to Madison, the acupuncturist's neighborhood, to see if I could get in for a treatment. Brendan and I were getting along SO well, and we had a great morning hitting up coffee shops and bakeries for pee breaks as we walked all over. I was having very mild, inconsistent contractions. I did NOT think I'd be having a baby that day. We decided to hang out until Cactus opened (one of my favorite places to eat) to have lunch. The acupuncturist NEVER called.

During lunch, the contractions did strengthen a bit and seemed to be around 8 minutes apart. That was about noon. Still, on the drive home, I called my friend Brenna to tell her that she probably should just go to work b/c I didn't think there'd be a baby that day... maybe later in the middle of the night or something. On the car ride home, the contractions stayed consistent and were at about 7 minutes apart when we got home. I called Brenna back :). Brendan and I then walked around our block and tried to watch a movie to kill time and see what would happen. I was very unconvinced. When the contractions hit 5 minutes apart, they still didn't hurt. I didn't even need to think about them in the slightest. It was starting to get fun though b/c I thought surely I'd have some real labor sometime soon. I called Cindie to give her an update, and she said I should call for the tub. I was still not convinced. But, the tub takes a long time to fill, so I knew I should... and I did... an hour later.

Brendan and I walked to Metro Market near our house to get some more birth snacks for us and the crew. I had a couple of painful contractions there. NOW, I was convinced. I LOVED being labor in public. It felt so She-Rah or something. We called for the tub soon as we got home, and then Brenna came over. We sat around and chatted, and my contractions slowed. Then, Brenna and I went out to walk, and they picked right back up. When we got home, we watched the rest of So, I Married an Axe Murderer. Yep, that's what had come from our Blockbuster queue. It started to get fun. Brenna suggested I start using the ball, and that helped me to feel things more. I then had a contraction that brought the tiny thought in the back of my mind very much to the major forefront- OH CRAP, I've done this before, and it can hurt A LOT! I put that away very quickly, though. I'd conditioned myself beforehand to just REALLY try this time to have fun and be glad for any progress, to just go with it all and to not think of it as "OW, OW, OW!"

Looking back, I think was starting transition then. I had this strong sense of needing to figure out how and where I was going to do this thing, how I would handle each contraction. I had loose bowel all day (sorry, but it's true), so I wound up on the toilet and asked Brendan to come in and stay with me there. My contractions got serious then, and we resumed timing them, so we could call Cindie to come over at the 3 minute mark. It was about 6:00 we think. I loved the way we did the contractions. I would put my legs up on the bathtub across from the toilet. Brendan sat across from me, and I leaned over and hugged on him. I would squeeze his shirt or rub his shoulders when the pain would peak. They were painful, but completely manageable. I felt so comforted by Brendan's affection and his strong, warm frame. He would rub my back btwn contractions sometimes. We had a great time. It still hurt, but we were having a fun, lovey time.

Then there was this one awesome contraction that was double peaked, and during it I really assumed a squatting position and tried to lean into the contraction and just really go with it. I SWEAR I felt my cervix open big time on that one. After that, I said I wanted to try getting in the tub, and we called Cindie. Brenna and Brendan worked on cooling the water a bit, and anytime that I needed Rib, I would just call for him, and he'd come hug with me. I sat down on the couch (covered in plastic and sheets) with him, and we did some contractions there. They were starting to hurt more, but I was amazed at how easy they were to get through. In between them, I had pretty decent relief, especially if I smiled, was thankful, remembered to pray, and hugged Brendan. That reminds me. My mantra for the last week had been "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." I was very blessed by those words and the Spirit's enabling me to apply them!

Cindie arrived. I think it was about 8:30 or so. It may have been a bit later; I don't really know. She was so happy to see us being so sweet and happy, and that just made it all the more fun to be happy. I layed back between contractions for her to check me. 9 cm!!! YAY!!! I had been SO MISERABLE at 9 centimeters for Ezra's birth, but this was a walk in the park compared. I wonder if some of that was due to my blessedly intact water. I laughed and was thrilled and was so thankful. We did about 4 more contractions, then I wanted to go pee. While peeing, I had a contraction and felt a new sensation... pushing! I had had NO urge to push with Ezra's birth, so I knew that my prayers were being answered which made me even more happy. It was a strange stinging sensation as I felt him start moving down. I screamed, "I'm pushing!" Mel, my other midwife, had just walked in. Cindie said, "Well, come get in the tub. I'd rather you not do it on the toilet." I was SO excited. Still, I was getting ready in my heart for a long hard time because that's how it was with Ezra. In fact, I had a hard time not asking to have an episiotomy right away b/c that's what we eventually had to do at his birth. At that time, the episiotomy was a big relief.

I got in the water, and it felt great. I knelt down with Brendan on the other side of the tub wall, so that we could keep up the snuggle technique. The pushing sensation continued, and I outloud prayed and praised God for how kind he was being to me in the birth. Not long after I got in, I thought the head was crowning because it hurt like that. I reached down to check, and, nope, it was the, "WATER BUBBLE, WATER BUBBLE, WATER BUBBLE!" Yeah, I yelled it. I thought they might want to do something about it, but they didn't. I kept my hand on myself and tried to help myself stretch out around the bubble. I kept doing this low crooning noise and saying, "stretch, stretch, stretch" in a deep, deep voice. It all helped a lot.

Brendan was right there helping the whole time. Meanwhile, poor Mel was trying to get the doppler on me to check Ivo, but I knew he'd be out any minute. Brendan mopped my face with a cool rag, and Brenna poured pots of cool water in the tub. It all felt great. Then, I could feel Ivo's head inside the bubble. I was so thrilled but still was resisting asking for an episiotomy! In another couple pushes his head came out. I screamed, "aaahhhhAAAAHHHHH [head pops out] YAY!!!," and then I laughed my head off. I could not believe that it was almost done. Cindie grabbed my hips and pulled me up and back as I pushed out his body. He came out in an intact sac. It was cool. I barely saw it because I couldn't turn around to see him as he was attached to me still... which I had sort of forgotten! I was so excited that it was hard for me to focus, but I consciously thought to try to pull him out of the water myself up between my legs. Cindie helped pull me back to sit down against the tub wall and helped me get him to my chest. I was amazed. I think I said something like, "my baby is born, you guys!!!" We were all so thankful for how beautiful and easy Ivo's birth was compared to Ezra's. (although, both babies were equally wonderful!) I was so happy and excited that it was easy to just be able to instantly fall in love with Ivo. He was born at 9:31 pm. I had a kind of weird tear that needed stitches, but it was much less painful than the episiotomy... MUCH.

I pushed the placenta out soon after that, and then noticed that I was sitting in some blood soup that I could smell. That was a little gross, but I didn't care. They got me out, and I said I was pretty dizzy. They gave me pitocin in my leg to help stop my bleeding. We know now thanks to my really low hematocrit that I lost more blood than was good for me, especially considering how low my hematocrit was going into the labor. I wasn't scared about it, though, because I knew that they had everything they needed and the skill to help me. I had an IV and needed to just stay flat. Incidentally, I'm not recovered from all that even now. I've been on a sort of modified bed rest pretty much since the birth and still can't do very much at all without getting extremely fatigued or a bit dizzy.

All that aside,though, Ivo was a great newborn! 8lbs 3oz, just like his brother. 21 inches, 1.5 inches taller than his brother. Neither of the kids heads molded at all- they were perfectly pretty and round. He did everything right and was perfectly healthy. I loved our first night together in the cozy bed that we had prepared. It was so wonderful to be in bed together with Brendan and Ivo. Cindie stayed with us until LATE in the night to make sure I was recovering ok. I felt very safe and like everything would be fine, which it was.

As each person left, Mel, Brenna, then Cindie, I was so thankful to have had them all with me for that wonderful experience. Each one of them lent their own sort of support and mojo to the whole thing. Of course, Brendan was my favorite part of it all. We're still riding the high of the relational leap we took that night that Ivo was born. I don't think we'd ever before had such a great, affectionate time together. That was amazing icing on the cake. God answered SO MANY prayers just exactly as I hoped... if not way better than I'd hoped. The timing was excellent. I didn't have ANY of the complications (though minor... painful) I had had with Ezra's birth.

The last important thing was Ivo meeting Ezra. That went great too. Ezra was so happy and seemd to understand perfectly well what had gone down and even pointed out my no longer fat belly and said, "Ivo gone... Baby Ivo out!"

Praise GOD!!! Now, if I can only continue to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer! We're 12 days in, and Ivo has staph in his left eye (no, I don't know how); Ezra is sick; and I'm still needing to this bedrest thing. Oh well. I've NO doubt that God is very good and can see us through anything just fine :).

The Prayer of a Preggo on Her Due Date

2010-05-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since I last posted that I actually had to sit and think about how to go about doing a post! Well, sorry, it's been a heck of a 2010! I don't want to go into it. None of it was a huge deal, but there were enough light and momentary troubles to keep us praying (and exhausted) always.

So, here I am now. It's Ivo's due date :). I'm a happy, happy girl who loves my children and my husband, and I AM SO EXCITED to finally meet my baby and have things be about him for a while. I think that the easiest way to share where I'm at today for all of you who love us and want to know how to pray is to just transcribe this letter to Ivo and the prayer that follows it. So, here goes (spilling my guts and baring my soul on the internet... just like old times!)

Hey Spivo,

Today is your due date according to my calendar. The U.S. showed maybe May 5, but I, of course, like the 3rd better. It feels right to me even though it doesn't seem like you'll be born today, but I hope that things will start tonight. I've been hoping that every night for a while now, though. Maybe you'll just be like Ezra and come in a few days. I can't believe that it's time, and yet I'm SO eager to see you that I can hardly stand it!!! I really cannot wait to see what you look like and I'm, now, really excited to birth again.

Last week was hard for all sorts of reasons (one being RATS!), but this week feels much better. I credit the Spirit and the word of God that has been in my heart. Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." These simple instructions have been just the help I have needed to wait and be excited for your birth. I also had a really great weekend with your Daddy and brother. All three of us are waiting and joyfully hoping. It's crazy how excitedly impatient I can be for something that I can almost KNOW will happen in the next 2 wks.!

I am READY.

Lord, would you bring labor tonight? You will be praised! I'm thankful that my hope can be that only your will will be done. It will turn out how you want it too. You will hold me. I don't need to be afraid.

Please can I have my Ivo tonight? Please can I see him? Please can I hold him? Lord, will you give me the grace to ride throught the pain with love, thankfulness, and relaxation. Will you give Cindie and Mel wisdom and skill? Will you keep Ivo's heart strong and breathe his first breaths for him? Will you keep my side pain and any nerve pain away? Can I have the urge to push? Could I stretch and not tear? Can Ezra be happy, safe, and fearless while we work. Open my heart to everyone who loves me and will be with me, especially you. I trust you with all this and do love you, Father.

I know you care about me the way I care for my children. How wonderful to be loved like that by God of the Universe! I'm ready for what you want to give me but only because I can trust you to hold me and give me grace and fruit from the Spirit to use. I truly feel joyful in hope, and I know that it's from you. If it would bring you more glory, Lord, although the words catch in my throat and my pen, give me trials in this labor and make me wait longer, but give me grace to honor you miraculously in spite of any odds. I will not be worse off for you getting more glory in whatever happens to us. I am weak, though, God, so you must hold me up, or I'm sure to fail if I'm left alone. We all are. So, Lord, hold our hands, even Ezra's and Ivo's (especially!), and let us boldly trust you.

God, it is harder for me to believe that all my requests (including a birth in the next 24 hrs) could be answered affirmatively than it is for me to believe that your will would be to make me wait or even suffer for the sake of your glory. Father, I don't know what that's about. I don't know if it's good or bad, so I just ask for wisdom, humility, your grace, and for Jesus before you to plead for the right things for me. Oh God, you see my thoughts. You see how I long to have an amazing tale of your riches being poured out on me. Lord, help me to see that I already have had that! I have that tale. Jesus died for me so that I can even lie here and write this prayer to you with the confidence that your ear is listening and that your are pleased by my coming to you. Thank you for my adoption into your family. Take my children too! And bring Ivo to me soon! Please, Father, PLEASE!

VERDICT

2009-12-16T13:24:00.000-08:00

It's EYE-vo :). Ezzie agrees.

Ivo

2009-12-15T21:42:00.000-08:00

Well, my little SON sufficiently flashed us this morning :). We are VERY excited to be having another boy. A girl would have been great too, but the more I think about it the more thrilled I am to have a house of sons. It's not what I EVER would have expected, but God has a tendency to do what He wills rather than what I daydreamed about as a kid!

We decided to name this one right away. I want Ezra to start getting used to the idea of his brother. He already can point to my belly when I ask where Baby Snap is. It's weirding him out to now start hearing the baby's name, so I think that's evidence in support of our decision. Better get him used to it now.

His name is Ivo Wright. That's the first and middle. We are actually in flux about how we will settle on the pronunciation... we may pronounce the first name EE-vo, although I do like saying EYE-vo. I flip on it A LOT. The middle name is our attempt at giving all our natural children a "Wr" start to their middle names. It's a shout-out to the Meador side as Ezra is named after his Poppy and Great-Grandaddy, Wray.

Here's the WHY on "Ivo:"

1. I like it
2. I read a book with a character by that name, so I got used to it
3. It sounds so cute with Ezra... "Ezzie and Ivo, time to eat!"
4. I sold Brendan on it :)
5. *The Real Reason* it's a keeper:
"Ivo" (pronounced either way) comes from Yew, a kind of tree. Apparantly arrows were made from the wood of the Yew tree, so many sources interpret "Ivo" as a trade-name (like Baker, Miller, etc.) for archers. That makes it a botanical name, which I love, and provides a lovely Biblical connection to Psalm 127:3-5

Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame when they contend
with their enemies in the gate.

As I wrote to Ivo today in my book of letters to my unborn, I hope that he never has enemies to contend with except Satan, and I pray that he and his brother will not be put to shame when they are challenged by the Evil One but will, by God's grace, live in pursuit of grateful faith and righteousness.

August?! Last post was August?!?!

2009-12-09T13:09:00.000-08:00

I didn't know I'd been THAT bad, but apparently I have been. Oh well, I can see that being the case, actually. August is when my anemia got bad. Oh yeah, because I'm pregnant... in case I hadn't shared that in this forum yet. I'm 19 weeks, and we'll find out the sex of the baby (and if it's healthy etc... but, don't people just really want to know what it is?) at an undisclosed time next week... you'll hear when you hear :).

Anyway, I've seriously been to exhausted to do anything but sleep when Ezra is sleeping, and the kid is just WAY too rock-n-roll for me to get anything done but drum shows, coloring, water-play, YouTube watching, etc. Every now and then I can squeeze in an indulgence for myself like a trip to the grocery store or cleaning something. Today I managed to have some of Ez's and my friends over AND clean the bathroom. I'm so pumped off of FINALLY cleaning the bathroom that I have just enough energy to bang out this post before going to my nap.

I'm so tired these days. Ezra has been sleeping great for the most part, and I'm just managing to get over my hyper-alert phase of worry that he's going to fall out of his new big boy bed. Of course, he just fell out at 4am this morning for the first time. He handled it like a champ, but after all the excitement it took him over an hour to get back to sleep. Naturally, he still felt ready to wake up at the regular time of 6:30am. Sadly, that's when we discovered the dried blood on his face and pillow. Source of blood could not be pinpointed, so it must not have hurt that bad - he barely cried! ANYWAY, I'm tired, though, because of this other sweet little human I'm incubating. S/he is a kicker and apparently it is also a iron-rich blood sucking vampire. Just kidding, but my iron levels have sucked, and, BOY, do I feel it. Dancing my whole first trimester probably didn't help either. Oh, and, I just learned at my appt. yesterday that, despite being about halfway done with this pregnancy (crazy!), I've gained a whopping... wait for it... ONE POUND! Yeah, so Snap is sucking my life force, and I'm not replacing it quickly enough. I have a prescription for one bowl of ice cream a day :)... except that I don't really like ice cream... but, cheesecake is another story.

To recap the last 3 months, here are some quotes:

"Happy Anniversary! I'm pregnant!"

*** I'm drawing a complete blank on anything that happened in September... except for our friends buying a house :) ***

October
"Hi Carla!"- when Carla and Ben came to visit from Austin
"Wow- so that was Pt. Townsend... huh"- also when Ben and Carla came
"Can you watch Ezra while he throws his plockie at you? I have to use the bathroom again."- when I had stomach flu for a week in Texas with my family w/out Brendan but w/ a eye-teething child doing his best audition antics for "Supernanny"
"I'll never do that again" after flying with Ezra*
"He was great on the plane" after flying with Ezra*

November
"I'm on my way to Ikea to buy Ezra a toddler bed. This wasn't supposed to happen this soon, right?" -to my mother
"Oh Hi... AGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" when my best friend showed up on my doorstep to see my dance show and stay with us for a week
"I never thought this would happen again" - in happy tears after my show
"I like St. Louis"
"Sorry Ez threw-up in your papasan chair" in Louisville with my sister for Thanksgiving
Nurse:"well we're not picking up any contractions." Me: "yep- neither am I!"- in L&D at some hospital in Louisville after going to the ER for severe abdominal pain... I had to CONVINCE them that I was not in labor... of course, they didn't believe me. I'm thankful they checked on Snap, but they sent me home with a diagnosis (made over the phone by a doctor who had never seen, touched, or spoken to me) of round ligament pain. BS. We're now pretty sure that I had some kind of ovarian cyst that finally burst. Maybe doc wouldv'e thought of that if he'd taken any sort of history on me.
"I'm never doing that again"- after flying with Ezra*
"Do we HAVE to get a Christmas tree"-me
"I LOVE our Christmas tree!!!"-me

December
This is the quote of the month so far, and I'm pretty sure it's top of my list of "Things I Never Thought I'd Say," right up there with "don't use your chopstick on the laptop"

"No, that's not a tail; that's your penis" to Ezra in the bathtub after a long discussion of who has tails and who doesn't

*Ezra is typically a gem on the plane. BUT, I cannot apparently handle the 30 minutes when he's not. I actually was throwing stuff on the floor and crying. Huh, pregnant much?

iLike

2009-08-21T10:57:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've EVER talked about Brendan's job... except maybe to explain that he's a computer dork :). The time has come. Our family is excited this week over the news that iLike.com where Rib works was purchased by... MySpace

It's been a fascinating process, and I think the guys are looking forward to a site with oogles of users, and their wheels are turning with ideas for how to make MySpace even better. MySpace Music and iLike combined should be a really cool, powerful force for artists and fans alike. The two together hold the largest volume of users. Thankfully, they aren't a Wal-Mart - high volume/low quality. Anyone who has spent time on ilike.com knows that.

I remember when I first heard about MySpace- I thought, "wow, that sounds distracting and uneccessary." Of course, I eventually joined the masses ;). Who knew that one day I'd be eating thanks to a MySpace paycheck!

We're just counting our blessings out here on our upper-left corner, as usual.

A better post

2009-08-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

HERE. Our friend and Auntie, Lola, wrote a much cuter post than I would have about the baby shower for Blythe held at my house last weekend, so just read hers :). I had 25 people in my living room and loved it. The next day we had 35 people in our back yard for the Robbins' Fare-welcome party, and we also loved that.

Screen Time

2009-08-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

An interesting set of findings regarding "screen time"

Just as I suspected, it's more of an indicator rather than a cause for all the terrors attributed to television and excessive gaming. Although, it does only take one-two hours of screen time before the positive correlations with negative things (obesity, etc.) begin to appear. Of course, we didn't need the Mayo Clinic to spend money to tell us "everything in moderation."

FRIED

2009-07-16T13:43:00.000-07:00

When it comes to food, fried is a good thing; but, with humans, it's bad.

I'm letting myself be easily overwhelmed this week. Maybe it has something to do with this "yes" word I keep using...

This is fair warning:
In August, the answer is a cheerful "No."

Good, Bad, Ugly

2009-07-11T15:52:00.000-07:00

GOOD

$4 coral skirt from Gap that's the most comfortable thing EVER
Birthday bracelet from my husband :)

A mom I met when handing out flyers for VBS at Green Lake showed up with her son today
Ezra walking up to the rocking chair in his room, rocking it, and singing softly
Ezra really starting to use his "please" sign
Ezra back in G Diapers now that they have a reusable insert
Stella telling me that she has "hear ears"and will listen to me
Whitney arrives next Saturday!
My BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW
Ezra's birthday is Monday
I'm back in ballet classes... a really long story that I will have to post about when I'm ready

BAD

Ezra's 8th ear infection in 7months. We're going to Children's next month to do a surgical consultation. (that last part is good; maybe we can see an end to these ear infections...)
Ezra screaming for an hour at home with Dad while I tried to go out to get my VBS room set up
Less than 12 kids showing up for VBS. I have hope for Monday, but right now this fact feels sad

What a blessed life that I had to think for a long time to come up with just 3 "bad" bullet points

UGLY

Yo' Mama (just kidding, but I had to have *something* in the "ugly" category)

For Posting's Sake

2009-07-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

I have nothing particular in my mind on which to discourse; but, for posting's sake, let's see what I can do...

I'll start with the fact that I got stung by a flippin' yellow jacket this morning. I have been absolutely terrified since childhood of being stung by a wasp (in Texas, wasps are Yellow Jackets). Today, I found that my fears were COMPLETELY justified! It hurt a whole stinkin' lot!!! Those guys are mean. He wanted to hurt me. He was a centurion posted to guard the nest, I think, and boy did he do his job! I'm not going out my side door until that nest is dead and completely obliterated. They've built a nest inside some little opening into the outside wall of the house behind the electricity meter. SCARY. I listened to the wall on the inside, and I can hear them scittering around in there. I'm seriously paralyzed with the fear that they are going to chew through the wall and come in here. Brendan said that happened to his uncle's house once. So, yeah, I'm calling an exterminator later. I'm not messing around with these little pricks (pun intended).

A yellow jacket sting is about the last thing I can think of that Ezra needs right now. Kid just got over a double ear infection, and his eye teeth and some bottom molars are beginning to grow. I feel so sad for him. However, I've been praising God for his mercies and goodness to us in placing us in a time and city where any medicine he needs is at our fingertips. Ezra has 8 ear infections this year with his left ear taking most of the hits. As far as we can tell, his hearing has not been damaged. Ezra is so genial that the slightest crabbiness of mood has, thus far in his life, indicated that he is in pain. I've caught them all very early, so he's not had to deal with any ruptures. Thank, God! In my prayers for Ezra's health, I've really been also praying for the many children in the world who may be ear-infection-prone like him. This many childhood infections could lead to so many very serious problems if left unchecked and untreated. We here are so obsessed with our children's perfect health (as well we should be), but we so often forget to be thankful and to try to help those who don't have what we have. Lord willing, Ezra won't suffer any hearing loss, but so many do!

Alright, that's what I have for today... earaches and yellow jackets. blech.

Hopefully next post will be good footage of ezra walking :)

Weirded Out

2009-06-22T10:20:00.001-07:00

I have loved reading all my friends' Father's Day posts, but it is so weird to look at these goofball roommates and college friends and absorb that, yeah, they are FATHERS! I'm not talented enough (and Brendan has all the photos spread out over two computers and about a gazillion operating systems) to come up with my own sweet little Year-in-a-Nutshell post like my Beth, but I can say that it has been a great year. Brendan has proven himself to be quite the feeder, diaper-changer, consoler, love-tank-filler, etc.

Brendan summed it up best when we gave him his Father's Day gift (a hand painted mug complete with Ezra fingerprints and a scrawly message from me): "I feel like I just was making these for my Dad!"

Yeah, For REAL! How did this happen? Life is flying by-- and I hear that it starts going even faster! It's funny, though, even though I now see that, chances are, my parents felt as clueless as I do now (at times...) about being a parent, I still deep down believe that they always knew exactly what they were doing. Even when my mom let's me in on the secrets that they didn't, I still think, "nice of you to condescend, but I'm pretty sure you had your ducks in a row." Hopefully, my kids will think the same of me!!! Unfortunately, I'm a spazzy over-sharer, so my chances are SLIM...

See blog-of-the-future in 25 years to find out.

Worth the Time...

2009-06-20T09:57:00.001-07:00

Vacation Bible School

2009-06-16T20:57:00.001-07:00

VBS at CrossPoint Green Lake will be held July 11, 13-17. Call 206-789-7320 for more info or email me. I'm "in charge"of publicity, so I figure this counts somewhat toward my goal. Please send your kiddos! They will have a blast and hopefully learn great truth. It is a very well done curriculum focusing on Christ's journey from Heaven to earth to become and live as a man for our sakes and go back to Heaven to secure our place there. This is the best news there has ever been, and I pray that many children will grow and learn of their lover, brother, and friend!

As convinced as I am that the Gospel is powerful and God's greatest gift to man, I am still so hesitant to share the news with my friends and contacts. Pray for my faith and for boldness to speak of Him to others- especially as I have been charged with reaching out for perfect strangers to come to our VBS. Why am I more afraid of 30 awkward seconds with someone as I hand over a flyer than I am of her or her children losing an opportunity to hear of eternal life!?! Such selfishness. What's that song? "Hide it under a bushel? NO! I'm gonna let it shine." Huh, probably learned that at a VBS...

Formula Recipe

2009-06-05T15:31:00.000-07:00

Our recipe is adapted from this website. We do not use chicken liver because, well, ew. I do occasionally give Ezra egg yolk. Ezzie also eats plenty of meat each week to make up for the missing B vitamins and get all the iron he needs.

2 Cups Goat Milk
1/4 Cup Whole-Fat Organic Yogurt
1/4 tsp MaxiBabydophilus- acidophilus powder for infants
1/4 tsp Acerola Powder (we use a multi-whole-food-source vitamin C supp. powder)
1 tsp Cod-Liver Oil (we use Carlsen's Lemon Flavored Oil)
1 tsp Expeller-Pressed Sunflower Oil
1 tsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 tsp Coconut Oil (which I now use all the time in my cooking also)
2 tsp Nutritional Yeast Flakes (Whole Foods makes a good one)
2 tsp Gelatin
1 7/8 Cups Hot Water (umm... usually just comes out to be 2 cups)

Dissolve gelatin and coconut oil in hot water. Dump it and everything else in the blender. WHIR, WHIR, WHIR. Divide among number of bottles needed for a day- for us that's 6. Usually we do 2 ~7 oz bottles and 4 4-5 oz bottles. Repeat every morning.

I recommend these additional steps:
- Have a wonderful accommodating husband who does it every day

- Use a LITTLE BIT of simple syrup (or alternate sweetener) when switching to this from the crap in a can they call baby formula. It is SOOO much sweeter than this homemade stuff. I gave Ezra maybe 2 sweetened bottles in a row to help him adjust, and then he was good to go on the regular stuff.

-By all means, if you have time, make the whey from Kefir and use that. It is not difficult- just difficult to find Kefir that will seperate. Lifeway works. We just went to using straight kefir or yogurt because we didn't see the need to separate the fat out, and he still gets the good enzymes. He eats yogurt every day also to make up for whatever difference there may be in enzyme content between whey and whole kefir.

Ezra's digestive health (read: pooping) has been pretty much great ever since he went on this stuff. I think the acidophilus helps a lot. We added it all up, and a day's worth of our formula has more calories than the canned junk. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! It's just all-around been very good for Ezra and for my peace of mind.

Now, here's the deal: I am not a nutrition specialist or doctor! This is just what we do for our child, and I think it works well. Any support I have for it is strictly anecdotal. I ran all this by our pediatrician before we started it.

Whiskey (Tasting). Tango. Foxtrot.

2009-06-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

MY GOODNESS! My little stay-at-home, mother-of-one life is busier than I expected it to ever be! But, I'm glad. I like things to be a little frenetic. No, frenetic is not the right word. Full. There. Full. I like that.

First of all, Ezzie is quite the handful (armful, crook of knee-ful, lapful, etc.) these days. He's so much fun to know. My friend recently made the nicest comment I think I've ever heard any one make about Ez: "I want to know THAT guy." Yeah, me too! He's fascinating. He murmurs and mutters little comments all the time, and I swear that half the time I know just what he's thinking by the intonation and eyebrow usage alone. He's going to walk any second now. He can walk along with me or his "car," but he's not quite brave enough to do it on his own just yet. He has exhibited shocking disobedience and bad attitude and equally stunning tenderness and compliance all in the same hour- let alone day! He continues to scare other children with his completely overbearing personality (which I secretly sort of like... maybe b/c that means he like me. don't worry. people always wind up appreciating that about me in the end... I think...). The times that he reminds me of his father (earthly or heavenly, come to think of it) are the times that I love him the best. I am continually thankful for him.

Speaking of thankful, I must write, given some of my more sorrowful posts about it, that the 2 year anniversary of little Speck's death was yesterday; well, it was this whole past weekend actually. I did some crying especially because I've recently been reminded of the sad sisterhood of those of us who've lost babies (souls that are inexorably tied to our own that we will not know until, God-willing, Glory) and how it is forever growing. However, the sadness of that day stood out in stark contrast compared to the sunnyness of my current day-to-day life. Ezra is a joy and so are all the crazy goings-on around here. Speck's little death definitely was a dramatic opener to a truly lovely new chapter in my sanctification. A love for communing with my God in prayer was developed then and, by his great grace, it has continued to grow- goaded along in many ways by my SLEEPLESS nights with my firstBORN son.

Speaking of sleepless, I also want to write of some great thoughts I've had about the sunny-side of Night-Waking Street (and Inability-to-Continue-Breastfeeding Street too!). First, being up in the middle of the night EVERY night for the last 314 days in a row really has made for great opportunities to pray. It's been fascinating to see how God has changed my prayers (and my heart) over this time. They've gone from desperate cries of "HELP! I'm tired!" to prayers for patience, kindness, love, tender-heartedness in me and in Ezra. I know that the change is by God's mercy alone. Forming the habit of praying all night is finally beginning to transfer to the daytime too! I'm most thankful for that. I find myself thinking to ask God for help and guidance in the smallest things each day. Of course, I can also see my great deficits in prayer and trust in the Lord; good to know I won't be running out of things to work on any time soon.

The flipside of not being able to breastfeed has been a little trickier to appreciate, but I'm really starting to see it. When Ez was only 4 months old my milk started to run dry because of my thyroid malfunctioning. Despite my very valiant efforts, it just continued to dry up. And, Ezra, being the smart kid that he is quickly did learn that fast, easy food comes from a bottle. I was extremely depressed by the whole think and felt deficient in every way, but God calmed me over several months and helped me to just be thankful that at least Ezra was ok and had food to eat. I like to think that if Ezra had been breastfed exclusively as long as I wanted him to be he would just have turned out to be a much too exceptional human being, and God, in his mercy, decided to sanctify Ezra by removing that possible temptation to be arrogant :). Anyway, after all my fears during my pregnancy and wanting to do every last thing as carefully as possible, I think it has been good to have Ezra's food somewhat out of my control. God did graciously give me the idea (thanks to Cindie) to make our own formula, and that has been wonderfully healthy for Ez. I saw his vitality (and chub) change practically overnight when I got him off that CRAP they call "soy formula" (E's allergic to cow's milk).

So, here is the biggest benefit I've seen so far: I CAN GO OUT!!! I'm as extroverted as they come, and it has been so rejuvenating for me to be able to go out with friends while Brendan stays with Ezra. For the longest time, I have not wanted to be happy about that and have definitely not wanted to announce that I'm happy because it seemed selfish to me. The last thing I ever want is to be one of those mothers who is always desperate for a break from her children. I'm sorry, but that has always seemed so sad to me. In my case, I don't want the break from Ezra; I love Ezra, and I really would bring him everywhere with me if I could do that AND pay attention to whatever my friend/doctor/partner/etc is trying to say to me. After a real hermit-esque period following my miscarriage and then the tired haze of pregnancy and shock of bringing a baby (and stitches!) home with me, I have finally been able to re-access the part of me that LOVES to know, help, and even feed off of my girlfriends. The other aspect of that is that my two best girlfriends (aside from my mom and sister who don't live here) moved right when my hermit phase began. God has given me such an abundant answer to my prayers in enriching my relationships that were just beginning back then and giving me the freedom (thanks to goat milk formula and a wonderful husband) to actually have some "adult" time to spend on those relationships.

In the last month, I've had WAY too much fun (no, not in a drunk way...)! I got to out for a night on the town with a lovely batch of ladies- gosh, maybe even once every 10 days or so! I got to go to a whiskey cocktail tasting at Serafina with a couple of ladies, and I now have become a blossoming whiskey snob who just loves to mix up a Blood and Sand and can give you the whole history of the drink and tell you which kinds of vermouth NOT to use. I got to do wedding flowers for a new friend. I get to go to VBS planning meetings AND pay attention. I can make plans!!! It has been wonderful for my soul. I love to care for Ezra, and that is still, bar none, my favorite thing to do. But I also love to care for and be with adults; I thought that might be over, but it isn't! And by "care for," I mean: be friends with and drink fancy cocktails with :) I'm SO not a tea-partier (that's a soapbox for another time...). Brendan has been very kind in allowing and even encouraging me to take the opportunity to rediscover myself in this way. He definitely has a pile of "night-out" coupons in his back pocket. Although, I think he'd prefer that they be "night-at-the-computer-with-no-nagging" coupons. We'll make an arrangement.

That's what I've been up to. I'm exhausted, and every so often I cry because I'm just so tired and feel stupid for trying to have fun and get to know people while I have a 10 month old who doesn't sleep, but those moments pass. Ezra and my friends are worth me feeling a little spread thin sometimes. My newest friend is Anna, our student from Germany who moved in on Sunday. Short story: I love her, and I wish she could just stay forever.

More to come... someday

POUNCE!

2009-05-21T21:02:00.000-07:00

Here's Why...

2009-05-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted for so long.

*We were out of town*
The trip was good if not a little long and tiring. I LOVED meeting Brendan's family- especially his cousins and grandparents I hadn't met before. Ezra has some great people in his lineage.

*I lost my camera*
At Carkeek Park, I left it on a log. When I went back, it was gone... of course. So, I've got NOTHING to show for any of my stories, and so far I've discovered that just isn't what the fans want. Facebook friends of mine are still getting a good slough of pictures of Ezra, though, thanks to Brendan's iPhone and my family.

*I packed and moved*
Umm...do I even need to present an explanation for this excuse??? We moved from Eastlake which I loved to Bryant which I really like for a HUGE (from our perspective) house in exchange for our small apartment. I can have like 8 kids now if I wanted and still not have to move... well, maybe we'd need another bathroom. NO, I do not want to have 8 kids.

Ezra has done very well with the move and has figured out the new house. He has his own playroom now and likes it as much as I hoped. Blackberry, his new best guinea pig friend, lives next door to the playroom, and they have enjoyed many cheerful hours staring at each other. Black lets Ezzie pet him, feed him, and yell at him :)

*We applied to become a host family for international students*
I'm very excited about this. The process was simple and went great. Our first student is scheduled to arrive from Germany next Saturday and the next from Japan a month later. I'm excited to share my home, have someone to eat the giant meals I tend to make (never did learn to cook for 2), expose Ezra to new languages, and make a little money. This will be like me working from home... we shall see. I'm envisioning a whole new category of post for Blark Notes.

*My parents were in town for a week*
It was wonderful. Facebook has the evidence. I miss my family more than ever, and it is nothing short of tragic that the two wonderful Meador grandparents must live so far from us. They say it's my fault for leaving them. I guess it is. There is just NOTHING like your own mom being around... when you're me, and your mom is your best friend, and you actually like the way you were parented. Same goes for my Dad. Thankfully, Aunt Whitney will be here in July!

***

So, there you have it. My life in a nutshell. One little tidbit to add- My favorite comical moment of the week:
At Ikea with my parents, I bought a hanging shoe organizer for the closet called "Skubb." Brendan saw it and said, "What's this?"
Me: "Oh, that's a hanging sho..."
Brendan: "Wait, wait,wait. I don't want no Skubb..."
I can't get it out of my head. Yes, I'm still sleep deprived (but it's getting much better, and I have all kinds of opinions about it. But, that's another post!)

Peace Out

2009-04-10T21:17:00.000-07:00

I'll be out of town and with (I assume) limited internet access for the next 8, yes 8, days. AND, I lost the camera, so there won't be any fun post of photos to show for my absence at its end! Look to facebook, my friends, for mobile uploads from Brendan.

Thinking about Easter

2009-04-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today is Maundy Thursday, a day that the Church celebrates and remembers the institution of the Lord's Supper. I decided to read through the accounts of that ancient Thursday in the Gospels this morning. I was struck with a few things anew.

1) Poor, wretched Judas. "Satan entered into him." Jesus said so many times that day that those who love him are known by following his commands and that those who are in him are safe in the Father. I'm thanking Jesus today for sending the Comforter so that no one else may enter into me and praying that He would give me strength to love him by following his law and remind me of my safety. My life is hidden with Christ.

2) Jesus WENT somewhere. He's physically there. I never really thought about that until recent sermons and Sunday school classes brought out that fact. He's a real corporeal hero. I'm not with him yet. What a thing to anticipate! I forget in my life here to hope for his return, to hope for my union with him in Heaven. We have the Spirit- and what a blessing He is, but we don't have full communion with Jesus until we are there. Hard to understand, this "already but not yet." This is where the reality of the trinity truly matters.

3) He wants me to be with him, with his real body and person in Heaven. John 17:24-
"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world." Jesus' desiring this makes certain that it will come true! I've got to remember these promises more often.

Important Notice

2009-04-06T08:46:00.001-07:00

One thing I forgot to mention about making your own baby food: Unless you're interested in a 6 hour stay at the ER, DON'T put your finger in the immersion blender while it's plugged in!!!

Waiting. I walked in with a bloody kitchen towel. They at least gauzed me for the wait. Poor Ezra (and the two of us!) had to whirl out of the house without eating our nice family dinner that was laid out and ready to be eaten. I was just putting the finishing touch, a quick zjzjjjjhh on the broccoli with the hand blender for Ezra. I put my finger in to scoop out what was stuck in the bell when my evil right hand ever so briefly apparently squeezed the trigger! I went to the sink to run water over it and saw that, given the amount of blood, this was probably pretty bad!
The lidocaine shots hurt a lot. Thank goodness for breathing techniques and great pain management abilities, another perk of natural childbirth that you can carry with you forever! I also got a tetanus- that didn't hurt then, but it hurts a lot now.

the lacerations. there were 4 separate gashes. The worst two got stitches. (by the way, by that point, Grandma and Grandpa Ribera had long since come to rescue Ezra and put him to bed.)

after the stitches- 8

all stitched and swollen with lidocaine. As of right now, the numbness still hasn't worn off. I'm worried about how this thing will feel when it does!

Enjoying Eating

2009-03-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

We have been blessed with an adventurous, cheerful eater! I've been meaning to post for a while about the solid food thing because I don't know that I've mentioned it at all yet. I love making Ezra's food, and it's SO easy that I don't understand why commercial baby food was ever even invented. Even the busiest person could do it- if you feed yourself everyday, you can easily feed your baby the same stuff. It just takes a little planning. I've had lots of people ask me with a tone of awe, "Wow, you make your own food? How is that going?" Fine and Great, thanks.

Initially, feeding a baby solids is challenging and can be discouraging because they are just so amazed by the new, weird experience. However, Ezra took to it after about a week and a half. I know that every baby is different, though, so I don't think people whose babies are slow to accept solids have done anything wrong! Here's what works well for Ezra: warmth, flavor, and power. Ezzie does MUCH better if his food isn't cold. As for flavor, I have used garlic, olive oil, spices, and even (gasp! I know...) a few tiny grains of salt in all of Ezzie's little mixes. I was very surprised to discover that he prefers savory or even sour (like the plain, full fat yogurt) tastes over sweet ones sometimes. Power means that Ezra is in charge of the amount that he eats. I've never tricked or wrestled bites into his mouth, and I can really see day to day that he is just eating the amount that he needs. Our pediatrician's intern said that studies are now showing that the skill of portion control, developed as an infant, is carried on into life and heleps prevent obesity! So, yay for that! I also always give Ezra a few bites on his tray that he can smear, pinch, suck, eat (maybe) on his own. At first, when spoon feeding, I always had to give him a spoon of his own too, but now he's totally over that and can handle just me giving him bites.

Here's an example of how we work it.
This week's menu:
Monday: Adults - sloppy joes, sauteed spinach; Ezra - ground beef (taken out of the pan before saucing up the sloppy joe mix) and sauteed spinach (chopped of course)

Tuesday: Adults - Broccoli Cheese Soup and Bread; Ezra - broccoli stew (pureed veggies and broth taken out of pot before milk was added) with shredded cheese and bread bits on his tray

Wednesday: Adults - Mango Chicken with Black Beans and Rice; Ezra - a chunky puree of that whole dinner with avacado

Thursday (Tonight): Adults - Soup and Salad Bar for parish group; Ezra - leftover ground beef with peas and bites of mommy's soup and bread

Friday: Adults - Roasted Sausage and Root Veggies; Ezra - a few veggie chunks presed through the garlic press... I might let him try sausage (it's preservative/nitrate free)

For breakfast, I just give him leftovers from the night before, oatmeal, blueberries or other small bites of fruit, yogurt, or egg yolk if we're having eggs.

Lunches consist of leftovers or various small bites when lunch happens. I'm just now moving him toward three meals a day.

Anyway, there's some info for those who've been interested. I should note, too, that the American Academy of Pediatrics did a study on allergies and their connection to food introduction schedules and determined that there is no evidence to suggest waiting to introduce ANY particular foods until any particular time. Though, most professionals are still wary of peanuts and honey. Personally, I give Ezra something new, wait a day or two, and then give him the next thing. I've become VERY lax about it at this point. I will wait until he's 1 or older to do honey and peanuts.

Here's a video of some of our dinner time silliness :)

Phot-astic!

2009-03-10T16:01:00.001-07:00

First of all...I have fuscia highlights! I've ALWAYS (since like 13y.o.) wanted to have my hair dyed some crazy color. I couldn't as a kid b/c of ballet (and maybe my mom...), then I was dancing here in Seattle and still couldn't. Then, I went to business school and felt it would be out of place there too. Well, none of that is in the way now, and Ezra's not old enough to be embarrassed of me yet. SO, I did it! I wanted to do my whole head, but I didn't want to scare Ezra, and this style will grow out very nicely. Everyone should check out my stylist, Harmony, if you ever need a new one! She is so great- gives great advice, is professional, and does what she says she's going to do! And she's my new friend :) harmony.bridgeblondesalon.com

the back
the big chunk
the first day
and, yes, Ezra likes it!

Ezzie Antics
with oatmeal fangs. this happened accidentally, and I think it's the funniest thing I've seen all year

doing chores again

Our Trip
Back home with Daddy. We missed him so much, and it was really hard to be apart!

Denver Airport. Ezra was GREAT on all the flights
Amarillo airport
Sad to leave each other before going to the airport
Ezra bug hunting while we waited out in front of the Big 5 store because...
the keys were locked in the car. It was pretty funny.
Sorry for the sideways-ness. In an outfit from Grandma Laura with Grandma Debbie
One of many stroller naps in cousin Micah's old ride
the beginnings of the crawling (I'll try to get video up soon! I'm just inept, and Brendan and I have to do it together)
untying laces
airplane
The GIANT Chuckanucka at the Fireworks at SeaTac. Ezzie, as you can see, was too tired to care much
"They let ME through security?" Oh, yeah, dumb story: they made me take Ezra's shoes off of him at the amarillo security line. Yeah, gotta watch out for those crazy babies and their shoe bombs...
Oatmeal from matching zebra bowls... and putting oatmeal in mommy's eye while she tries to take a picture!
before the sorting project began

OK- there you go! When I deliver, I deliver!

Crawling

2009-03-01T20:08:00.001-08:00

Ezzie is crawling! Today I saw the first real, bonafide crawling in the foyer at church. Video to come... when I get it. I don't think it should be too hard.

For the Sake of Lightheartedness While I'm Away...

2009-02-23T10:00:00.000-08:00

Here are some lyrics from Turkey in the Straw. While I'm gone, I may not update; and it's just depressing for y'all to keep seeing that jeremiad of a post over and over again!

As I was a-goin'
On down the road
With a tired team
And a heavy load
I cracked my whip
And the leader sprung
I says day-day
To the wagon tongue

Turkey in the straw
Turkey in the straw
Roll 'em up and twist 'em up
A high tuck a-haw
And hit 'em up a tune called
Turkey in the Straw

Went out to milk
And I didn't know how
I milked the goat
Instead of the cow
A monkey sittin'
On a pile of straw
A winkin' at
His mother-in-law

Turkey in the straw
Turkey in the straw
Roll 'em up and twist 'em up
A high tuck a-haw
And hit 'em up a tune called
Turkey in the Straw

I came to the river
And I couldn't get across
So I paid five dollars
For a big bay hoss
Well, he wouldn't go ahead
And he wouldn't stand still
So he went up and down
Like an old saw mill

Turkey in the straw
Turkey in the straw
Roll 'em up and twist 'em up
A high tuck a-haw
And hit 'em up a tune called
Turkey in the Straw

Did you ever go fishin'
On a warm summer day
When all the fish
Were swimmin' in the bay
With their hands in their pockets
And their pockets in their pants
Did you ever see a fishie
Do the Hootchy-Kootchy Dance?

Turkey in the straw
Turkey in the straw
Roll 'em up and twist 'em up
A high tuck a-haw
And hit 'em up a tune called
Turkey in the Straw

My favorite? The fish doing a Hootchy-Kootchy dance, of course! Which, btw, does NOT mean what you think it means... you should be ashamed of yourself...

Sometimes

2009-02-19T19:52:00.000-08:00

I could just jump right out of my skin because I get so antsy. My body should be dancing! I get so jealous of those stupid photo shoots. Really, I do. But by his grace, for some reason, the only dancing I do is silly and with my son, and my photo shoots are of new teeth and crazy hair. Isn't that actually better? I should be more thankful!

I could drive myself crazy wondering what she would have been like.

I get so afraid that my son won't know the Truth.

I question all the injustice. The wicked seem to prosper! The righteous are wrongfully imprisoned!

I wonder why I have a brain that is healthy- a sound mind that can care for itself and its body while others are trapped in these shells- and for what?

I cringe and can't escape the thought of children being used- of babies being wasted.

If I didn't believe God, I'd be extremely bitter and such an ugly person. As it is, he has given me eyes to see; and even when life doesn't make any sense at all, even when it is hard for me and worse for others, I can trust that there is a plan. What a gracious God we have. I'm an ugly person saved from bitterness who will be beautiful in the end. Amazingly, actually, we don't even have to wait until the end- that's when things will be whole, completely right- but we are, even here, blessed with glimpses of our own metamorphoses. How I love to hear what he does for my brothers and sisters! I want to be quicker to give him glory where glory is due - and unashamedly so. Well... the blog is definitely out there...

Oh, to love others as I have been loved!

(Emo post of the month!)

CH-Ch-ch- CHANGES

2009-02-17T20:38:00.000-08:00

Crib Antics and Motor Skills
My little Spudkin has morphed into such a big boy lately. I know that he's still just a baby in many ways, but truly- he's a different baby! He'll be crawling any day now. He can go backwards, but he can only sometimes figure out how to do this funny little leapfrog move forward. He stimeys himself by wanting to have at least one foot on the floor like he's going to stand. Today after his afternoon nap, I came in to find him sitting up! The result: Brendan lowered the mattress to the lowest setting this evening... from sitting he can pull himself to standing, and I can see him thinking about climbing out!

Look at what I can do!!!

Roadtrip Attempt
While completely worth it for adults and even Stella, my 7 month old was wondering why we had to be in the car for almost 4 hours total just to have a picnic on Daddy's President's Day off. Deception Pass was beautiful as always but especially on the sparkling, sunny day we had. It was quite chilly... sort of forgot that it's FEBRUARY! We had a fun time with the Hays, but poor Ezra's crying in the car made for a rather harrying day for his mother.

our picnic site

Daddy and Ezra in a rare moment of smiling in the van for Ez. To his credit, Ezzie did have a cold, and he was also potentially still dealing with a strong gastroenterologic response to spinach :(. I would have cried too!
smiling in the chilly beauty
Daddys and kiddos explore the beach

Ezra's Day
Until recently, Ezra has been happy to lounge about while mommy does her housework...
but from about the time he got his first goose-egg on his head from trying to do everything grownups do (like stand!)...
he's been more and more interested in taking over the chores!
sweeping (he also helped me swiffer the bedrooms, but I failed to photograph it)
and, his favorite, folding laundry

Folding laundry with Ezra in my sunny afternoon bedroom has been quite the stay-at-home mom pleasure of late

New Living Room Design
Ezra seems to really love the new furniture. He can easily stand up to the back of the couch and watch the cars go by. He also loves if one of hides on the floor while he plays "Where's Ezra?" (peek-a-bo) over the side of the couch like this...

I'm loving the new furniture too! And my "mood lighting," as Blythe called it :)

Sippy Cup
Ezzie loves the sippy cup. I wish I could capture the Napoleon Dynamite style with which he throws his head back to get a drink from the cup. He really could be in one of those old Cindy Crawford Pepsi commercials where she tosses a can of pepsi back. In my attempts to capture it once, he tossed himself over backwards so hard that I caught his surprise in this photo (check out those eyebrows!)...

The Story of Ezra's Birth

2009-02-09T09:36:00.000-08:00

All the recent births, and Sarah's punctuality, have prompted me to hurry and get this thing done and posted!

For a look back at that day with a few picks, visit Brendan's post.

HERE WE GO...

While I was pregnant, I spent HOURS reading the stories in Ina May Gaskin's books of women and their natural births. The stories were encouraging and indoctrinated me with the belief that birth is a natural process. It's supposed to happen. It is not emergency. It does not mean there is something wrong with you. Therefore, it should not require a barrage of medical interventions. Being pregnant does not equal being sick. Of course, being pregnant and giving birth are cursed because of the sin in the world; the Bible tells me so. I expected labor and delivery to be painful, but I also expected that I would enjoy exhilarating moments like the women who told their stories in Ina May's books. I also expected that I would absolutely kick ass. What follows is my story in which I suffer the worst pain of my life, experience the ONE exhilarating moment of clutching my brand new slimy baby, and I absolutely kick ass.

During my pregnancy, I made it my mission to prepare for Ezra's arrival in every way. I nested and made him a beautiful bedroom. I bought little clothes and folded them all up. Brendan and I laid around together discussing our baby boy's bright future. I also spent a lot of time preparing my body to give birth. I did yoga and Pilates and stretched like crazy. I spent at least 15 minutes a day squatting, yep, squatting. I ate very well and took handfuls of vitamin supplements every day. I already mentioned the ways I tried to mentally prepare by reading books and stories. We also went to a class to learn the stages of labor and early infant care. I am so grateful for every last shred of prep that I did. After becoming convinced that I wanted to have a natural labor, one with no medication, I approached the impending by unknown birthday with the excitement of a dancer preparing for opening night. I imagined myself to be rehearsing for the biggest performance of my life. Of course, I was also careful to remind myself that it would not be a performance for any audience but me and the baby, my little Spud. No one should have the pressure of performing in her mind while being bludgeoned from the inside.

I think that my labor began about a month before Spudkin was due. False labor plagued me once or twice a weak. And these were no Braxton-Hicks; the contractions often hurt and were regular. By the time Spuddie's due date passed, I was pretty fed up with being teased, but I was still doing ok. I never felt desperate to be unpregnant. On July 12^th, my birthday, my mom was in town to be at the birth and help us out after it. I woke her up around 6 am. "Mom, I'm having regular contractions; let's take a walk." I had long since dubbed myself "The Pregnant Ghost of Eastlake" because I'd walk the blocks almost every night as fast as I could with my swollen feet and extremely swollen belly to attempt to stimulate labor. After our walk, I was still contracting but things didn't seem to be escalating. We went to the U-District Farmers' Market where I continued to hurt a bit. Then, we went to pick up my birthday cake. On the wall was a sign that read, "The only thing more overrated than natural childbirth is owning your own business." Foreboding. By that afternoon, the yet again false labor had fizzled. We went up the block to Serafina for a birthday dinner. That night I went to bed feeling pretty disappointed but still hopeful.

Around 4am, I woke up with a pretty serious "pee-traction." You know, the little contractions you get when you really have to pee just because there's so much going on in there. I was really out of it, so I didn't think much of it. As I laid down, I felt a little leak. I used a tissue to see what was up, and it was pink! A good sign! (I should pause for a moment to discuss the crazy way that expecting affects you. I had a miscarriage before I got pregnant with Spud. Blood was a very bad sign for 8 months. However, towards the end, you want to see some. It means that your cervix is dilating and could indicate loss of the mucus plug. Once, I blotted my lipstick and threw the tissue in the toilet, then I peed. As I looked at the swirling flush, I saw pink! For a second I was all excited; then, I realized it was just my lipstick- a huge letdown!) So, anyway, it was pink! I got up all excited and Brendan turned the lamp on. As I got out of bed to do I don't know what, I leaked some more, and we gleefully concluded that my water was broken. Yes!

After timing the contractions (9 minutes apart), we decided to wait awhile before calling Cindie. I wanted her to have as much rest as possible! We tried to sleep, but we were just too excited. I think we just laid around timing contractions as I practiced my breathing and relaxation techniques in preparation for what was to come. Once we talked to her, Cindie was encouraging and excited and told me to eat something. It was a Sunday morning, so we figured none of us would be at church that day. I remember thinking how everyone would be so suspicious and excited for us. By midmorning, my mom, Brendan and I were sitting on my sunny front porch getting fresh air and timing contractions as I ate partially thawed frozen strawberries with honey. They were delicious. The contractions were still really manageable. We'd read over and over again that you should stay home as long as you can, so Brendan wasn't going to let me go the hospital until I really seemed like I was in pain and getting serious.

At around 11 am, Cindie called, and I started to cry. I felt flooded with hormones and overwhelmed by what was soon to happen. My contractions were getting more painful, and that was a little bit scary. I knew that the worst was yet to come. She suggested that Brenna come over. Brenna is a labor and delivery nurse in St. Louis and my very good friend. Brenna was excited to get the call to come join us, and I was encouraged to have someone around who'd seen this all before. It reminded my how normal it all was. She watched me do a few contractions and encouraged me (and Cindie) that I was handling everything well. My concept of time started to disappear at that point. All I knew was whether or not I was contracting. I had to focus more. Everytime I went to pee, I'd have a really painful contraction on the toilet. Then, I'd stand at the kitchen sink to wash my hands, and I'd have another contraction. That's when my desire to be on the floor kicked in. During each contraction I wanted to and did kneel down on the floor and rock back and forth. I started asking if I could go to the hospital. Brenna and Cindie agreed that it was a good time. Around this time I started making noise. I'd read that my noise could be loud as I needed but that it needed to stay low. Relaxing and opening the mouth and throat are connected to relaxation of the birth canal.

Everyone started getting things ready to go- including a barf bucket because I started feeling nauseated. In between contractions I hobbled to the car. I'm sure was a sight to behold. I had on a short cotton skirt, and I had my tank top pulled up over my belly. My hair was in little looped pigtails, and I had a bucket. In the car, I had a contraction, and I just had to focus and say "Rah, rah, rah" in a deep, breathy voice. Thankfully, the ride was very short. Then we arrived at Group Health on Capitol Hill. My love affair with the ground continued. My entrance to the hospital went like this: kneel down and have a contraction outside the car. Hobble to the doorway. Have a contraction on my knees in the entryway. Crawl into the elevator. Have a contraction. Crawl out. Hobble to the nurses station. Try to smile and be pleasant. Have a contraction. Hobble to my birthing room. Sink to my knees. Contract. Rest. Contract. Rest. Contract. Rest... you get the idea.

I was relieved to be at the hospital because things were feeling very intense. I couldn't wait for Cindie to arrive and check to see how much progress my cervix had made. I was sure that I'd be really far along because I was already one centimeter dilated and almost completely effaced before my labor even started. After I started feeling like I needed to change positions, I laid on the bed for Cindie to check me. Dang it. Only 3 centimeters. Brendan and I were really discouraged. The hospital doesn't really want people to show up until they're about 5 centimeters. Cindie quickly attempted to assuage our disappointment by saying that I was working really hard and that it probably wouldn't take as long to get to ten as it had taken to get to 3. She said we might have to find a pleasant way to pass some long time so that I wouldn't get to burnt out. "Maybe we can sit around and tell funny stories," she suggested. "Fat Chance," I thought. I was hurting to badly to think about anything by my contractions.

I got into the tub and the warm water was a welcome change. However, my contractions quickly became extremely painful. I had to yell and make all kinds of sound. I said blar, blar, blar. I sort of mooed. I said rah, rah, rah. I screamed a few times, but I tried my best to not scream in a high pitch because I knew that would mean that I'd lost control. I had to stay in control. Stay on top. I cried out to Jesus for help. I said "this sucks... but I love you Spud!!!!!!!!!" I even said, "Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, SNAP!" Which brought some comic relief to us all. Nothing helped my pain. We tried aromatherapy. God has blessed the woman who can be calmed from that sort of torturous pain just by smelling some freaking lavender. I wouldn't let them clean my blood out of the tub because it was encouraging to me. I knew that it meant cervical progress. At another point, Cindie prayed for me to be able to empty my bladder because that was hurting. Her prayer was answered, and that was a relief. At some point in the tub, I puked. At that point I really started to have an internal panic. "They're going to make me do this naturally even if I say I can't," I thought. I'd read the books. You're supposed to encourage a woman begging for drugs to just go, "a little bit more." I was afraid that I was handling my pain to well and that they wouldn't be able to see how badly I was hurting. I still didn't want drugs, but I knew I couldn't endure that pain for more than maybe another hour or two. Although, still, time was a bit fuzzy for me. Cindie came in and I expressed my concern. She said that they wouldn't make me do anything. I knew that my behavior could be an indication of transition- the opening of the final 2 or 3 centimeters, but I knew it hadn't been very long and couldn't believe that I'd already made that much progress. Cindie suggested that she should check me, so that we could have a better idea of what I was facing. I was 9 centimeters. That was the most thrilling news. "Awesome," I thought. "I can do it!"

At that point, Cindie said that she would just sit with me and watch for me to begin pushing. After a while, I still didn't have any urge to push. Cindie said that if I got out and maybe got into a better pushing position, we probably could see the head. I honestly can barely remember getting from the tub to the labor bed. I'm sure I had lots of help! At this point, the strange, deep, searing pain that I had in my lower right quadrant got VERY intense, and I was trying desperately to find a position that would alleviate some of it. I laid on my left side with my right leg straight up to the side, by my ear, and totally turned out- ballerina style. That felt sort of good, but I couldn't find the strength to push. And, poor Brendan was trying to support my leg, and that was hard for him... and not working well. I wound up on my back. The head began to crown after just a few pushes. At this point, I did get one or two really long (maybe 5-10 minute) rests between contractions. I still had no urge to push, and I never got one. So, any time the pain started I would make myself push. That was disheartening because I had read that I would have some relief when the urge to push set in, and I thought that the more athletic effort would be nice because at least I'd have something I could do. Alas, it just kept hurting a lot! After about an hour and a half of seeing Spuddy's little top of his head crowing in the mirror and trying to coax my perineum to relax with warm compresses, Cindie said that she felt that my perineum was just too strong. She said that I could keep going and maybe not tear because it was so strong, but that an episiotomy (which she almost never does) would probably speed things along. I said I wanted to keep trying on my own. The crowning continued, and the right side pain got worse and worse. I remember looking up at the ceiling and thinking "I lift my eyes up; where does my help come from?.. From the LORD!" That was my only comfort. Meanwhile, my team was all around me helping as best as they could. Brendan and my mom each held a leg; Brenna was taking pictures and giving slurps of energy goo and water between pushes.

After another hour, Cindie checked in with me again about an episiotomy. At that point, I was ready for ANYTHING that would alleviate some pain and speed my process. I agreed, and she made a little cut. I could tell from her look that it probably wasn't enough, and she said, "How did that feel?" "Fine. Do what you gotta do," I said. So, she cut a little more, and that one hurt a bit more. Still, compared to my weird side pain, it was nothing.

In the next big push, out came his head! I just glanced down at the mirror to see, and everyone was excited. I think someone said, "he's looking around!" Indeed, he was; I saw it later on the video. Cindie said something along the lines of, "if you give one more push, I can get him on you." I was sort of wanting to rest, but I summoned all my strength to get him out. Cindie had to unwrap the cord from his neck (just one twist, I think; and it hadn't been affecting his heartbeat or anything. He was strong throughout my labor). When I pushed, his left hand shot out first like he was a little superman taking off for a flight! That, and his absolute lack of a cone-head, contributed, we think, to the long pushing session. His whole little body flopped out right after that. Even while I was still crying out from the push, he was up on my chest. They rubbed him and maybe sucked his nose out a little. His apgar scores were great, and he cried right away. I was amazed by him, and we said his name: Ezra Wray Ribera.

I have to say that I was so shocked by everything that had just happened and in so much pain from the aftermath that it was difficult to focus on Ezra. I was able to comfort and cuddle him at an instinctual level, but my mind was only able to think, "Oh MY GOSH! What just happened? Why did I do that naturally? Am I ripped everyway from Sunday?" I wasn't as torn up as I though I was, though. The nurses did forget to move the mirror right away, and I saw my body in a state that NO ONE should ever see! It was about as close to a horror movie scene as I can imagine. They whisked it away really quick when I yelped, "Can someone move the mirror!?!"

Ezra was born at 7:21 on July 13^th, a Sunday; he weighed 8lbs 3oz and was 19.5 inches long. He had a pretty good night. My mom mostly looked after him b/c Brendan crashed, and I was in shock/pain/couldn't really walk. When the nurse came to get me to help me to the bathroom later that night, I almost fainted, and I couldn't believe how destroyed my body felt. She took me into the bathroom where the tub was and turned on the night light which was just one red bulb. It was awful! It was, again, like some horror movie flashback to the site of the heroine's ordeal! "Turn on the real light!" Yeah, I kind of freaked out about that. The night passed very uncomfortably, and my (up to now) 7 months of sleeplessness began.

The next day, I was very emotional, of course, and felt extremely traumatized by the pain and surprise difficulties of my labor. Still, I was thrilled that it was over and that it had been relatively fast. Ezra looked great. He was so sweet and responded well to both of our voices- especially Brendan's. He was a great nurser almost from the get-go. When Cindie came to check on us, I cried and asked her to remind me why I did it naturally. She did a good job of encouraging me and letting me know that it was ok to mourn over the pain and scariness of it all. Really, I was just glad that Ezra was alright. After losing Speck, I didn't mind what sort of hell my body had to go through as long as Ezra was ok, and he was just wonderful.

Since then, I've totally glossed over all the horrible parts of that birth in my mind, and I'm ready to go natural again next time. I know what my body can do, and I know what God can bring you through! That is the best thing about natural labor (in addition to the reduction in risk for the baby). Recovery was hard, but it didn't take too terribly long. I feel back to normal now, and considering what a crazy process it is, 6 months isn't very long!

Zoo & Other Adventures

2009-02-04T21:28:00.001-08:00

Feeding Ezra at the end of our zoo-venture. I had a great time! I think that Ezra did too. Although, I'm pretty sure he didn't see most of the animals; but he did like seeing all the kids and riding in the new stroller.

Ezzie and I check out the gorillas.
In the Zoomazium, Ezra faced the same challenges he did at the Children's Museum. He wants to do everything the big kids are doing, but he can't even crawl yet! He's very tenacious though and has as much fun as possible.

Here he is posing in the giant nest. He's a little hatchling Ezrasaurus!

Everyone enjoys a snack...

Including Ezra! Ezzie LOVES chomping on frozen peas in his little chew-bags... as I call them.

I love the zoo!

Our zoo friends- Cole and Stella. Baby Mags was there too and slept the whole time :)

REAL hippos! I don't think I've ever seen one. These guys reminded me of our friends in Malawi. There, you do NOT want to meet a hippo!

Giraffes!!!

Getting started

Check out my new stroller! What we really need is a new car seat because Ezzie will soon be WAY too tall for his current seat, but picking out the new stroller was much more fun and easy :) I love our new Combi stroller which will take us all the way to 55lbs and isn't obnoxiously huge!

In other news... here's a shot from when Brendan exploded a bacon grease covered 13x9" pyrex dish. Yeah, that sucked.

Ezzie and I in matching hats getting ready for a walk :)

a shot of our feeding system. We fill one spoon, hand it to him, and he puts it in his mouth. Then, we switch. This is Ezra enjoying peas... or maybe it was the avacado with chicken

TYPING!

Another Day of Reflection

2009-01-25T16:35:00.000-08:00

It's January 25th. Because I'm just this way, days of even sometimes the most mundane personal significance stick in my memory as days to be remembered, celebrated, or even mourned. January 25th is a day for a little of all of those because it was the projected due date for little Speck, my first baby that I lost to miscarriage around June 1st of 2007.

Last year's post was decidedly anxious but not without hope and still coming across as quite mournful. While I will always feel a pang of mourning on this date for the loss of that little life, my sadness has even over the past year turned more to thankfulness and joy. Thankfulness and joy for what my God taught me during that time. As I spoke with my midwife today (who handled both of my pregnancies), she said that she feels like I've had a lot of hardship related to motherhood. I guess that is sort of true, but I really don't feel that way. I think that is because all of my experiences with Ezra, a rough labor, starving, inability to breastfeed, etc., have been experienced in the shadow, no, maybe the glow, of that first encounter with motherhood. I learned that the good that I perceive for myself is not always the same as the good that God has shaped for me to actually get. So, no matter what I get I know that (as my little 5 year old friend always says), "I get what I get, and I don't get upset." That doesn't mean that I've resorted to any sort of asceticism or a Buddhist view of not wanting so as not to be disappointed. Rather, I'm learning more all the time to want God's good more than the satisfaction of my own goals and dreams. So, it's not a lack of wanting, actually, but a very great and strong yearning to have only the very best; and only my Father in Heaven knows what that is.

These experiences give me great hope. It's like the line in Amazing Grace: "Through many dangers, toils, and snares I have already come. 'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home." A friend of mine shared with me that, really, each new challenge with your infant, then toddler, then young child, and so on is like a training wheel experience for each new thing down his or her and your road together. My greatest prayer is that this gift from God of the ability to take what he gives gratefully, painful though it may be, will be passed to and learned by Ezra and any other children I may have. I'm sure that I began learning it from my parents, especially my mother, even when I was very young.

The other piece of all this is that I'm learning the firm gentleness of God's hand. How gentle and good of him to give me a happy, vibrant, laughing, distracted boy to wrangle as I walked in the communion line at church this morning while I wondered if Speck would have been like him. All the bitterness of her loss was eradicated by the syrupy sweet taste of knowing Ezra's wriggly loving body in my arms, trying to "kiss" me as I attempted to prevent my little cup of wine from spilling.

Know that "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Pr. 16:9

2009-01-24T18:11:00.000-08:00

My latest craft, a taggie for Ezra. I used the ribbons from his shower gifts and added a snap feature :)

Alright, here are just a few fun pictures. This has actually been quite a busy week for some reason. It involved our first nighttime date in 6 months (thanks Riberas!), an exploding pyrex dish (yes, again!), an accidental trip downtown on the express bus, "babysitting" Alaythia (actually just hanging out while her mom tried desperately to get some work done), and I don't even remember what else!

The week began with the surprise realization that daddy didn't have to go to work. WOO HOO! Here we are "sleeping in" together.

Ezzie has been enjoying his exersaucer! Thanks, Hainjes! They've really been our hook-up with this kid, as Ez sleeps in a formerly Hainje crib too.
Brown rice!
The official first meal of sweet potato. It was quite the event for Ezra's semi-annual. Chad and Lauren joined us, and we all ate sweet potato. The grownups, of course, also had Trophy cupcakes

Ezra using the "taggie" I made for him as a sling shot :)

HURRAY!

2009-01-19T10:33:00.000-08:00

The big news at the moment is that Ezra only woke up one time last night! At 3 am! He ate, had a diaper change, and went right back down. He woke up a little at 6, but I just brought him in for our customary snuggling, and he slept until 7:30, the time at which I've been trying to wake him up!

My next blessing on my mind is our new living room!!! New Couch, New TV Cabinet, and Ezra Safe!

6 Months

2009-01-13T12:07:00.000-08:00

I don't have pictures on this computer, so this will be a purely textual post. Sorry about that. Like I always say, I'll try for pictures later :)

I have been thinking to myself about a hundred times a day, "I can't believe that my baby is so wonderful." He's just so much fun, and I can already see so many aspects of his personality emerging. He's observant, thoughtful, independent, ENERGETIC, and he has a great sense of humor. I still can't wrap my brain around that fact that my life is truly and forever changed. Just like getting married, but even more intense actually, a piece of my heart will now always be outside of my body and, in many, many ways, out of my control. I trust, though, that the same God who who controls that whole cosmos can take care of that little chunk of my heart. Ezra is a lovely, joyful child. I can't believe that God has been so good to me. Honestly, I was ready for whatever would come and would love him just the same. I think I was prepared, and even expected, to have a child with difficulties or problems, so I'm still shocked that he's so perfect (well, I know he's not perfect, but you know what I mean). He's definitely perfect for me.

Sometimes I feel like my birth was just yesterday, but then it feels like it was a hundred years ago. Ezra is such a natural part of the flow of my life and days now. The sharp edge of the birth experience has now completely worn away, so that's nice. All of the sudden, all these things that felt so far off are upon me: solid food, baby proofing, bigger carseat, bigger stroller, exersaucers... the list goes on! I'm finally able to really savor the phase Ezzie is in right now because I'm beginning to see how fast it really does fly by. At the same time, I sometimes get exhausted just thinking about how much further there is to go... and he's only the first one!

Happy Semi-Annual, Ezrap!

More Ezra

2009-01-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

I realized upon looking back at my posts that Ezra wasn't prominently featured in my photo selection. So here are a few Ezzie-centric shots :)

In the swing Grandma Debbie bought for his stay here.

Trying our sling in a hip-carry position. LOVED it! Ezra liked it too- less restriction.

All these pictures have been from Mom's camera. I have more on mine that I'll try to get uploaded. But, don't get your hopes up because, as we all know, I tend to be an unintentional liar about these things. sorry 'bout that...

Bakery Story and More Pics

2008-12-31T10:10:00.000-08:00

A warm Texas day- probably 70-something. Of course, day after Christmas it was 18 and snowing

Helping Poppy play speed scrabble

in his Christmas outfit playing the plockie game with g-ma

Dusty, Whit, Me, and Rib

BOGGLE!!! Brendan always stomps everyone

Bakery Story:

So, you know what a "cream horn" is? It's this pastry shaped like a horn that's filled with creamy frosting. Mom likes them, and Whitney and I were in the bakery getting my favorite childhood cookies and thought we'd get mom a cream horn.

Me:"I need a cream horn and..."
Cashier: "What?"

Me:"A cream horn"

Cashier:"HUH?"

Me: "CREAM HORN"

Cashier (with a knowing look) "OH, cream CORN"

Me: "NO. cream HHHHORN."

Whitney and I had to use every last shred of willpower to not completely lose it. I had to finish my order. When she walked away we both lost it. The cashier came back over and Whitney had to run away to the day old rack and become way to interested in a loaf of bread just to be able to keep it together. It was hilarious! So, now we're always saying, Oh, cream CORN. Pretty much my favorite funny experience of the year- almost tops baby sing along.

ALSO, I loathsomely left Uncle Dusty out of my last post. Hanging out with my hilarious brother-in-law has been a highlight of the trip. Watching him and Whit together is so fun especially since last year we were all so busy doing the wedding that we hardly had time to get to know Dustin. He, like Whit, is great with Ezra, and I'm so sad that Ez won't get to spend more time in his young life around his Texan aunt and uncle. If Dustin ends up preaching at a church near you, GO THERE!

Sorry I'm SO LAME

2008-12-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

It's been busy! We've been in Texas for just over a week, and we have 2 to go. It has been fabulous. Ezzie can sit on his own now and almost rolls from back to front. He also babbles and squeals like crazy! I LOVE having my family around us, and I'm not looking forward to going home. Although, I do love Seattle, and I miss my church and friends. Still, mom, dad, sister and Skeeter (the dog) are awfully magnetic. Don't worry, I still really can't stand Amarillo ;)

Ezzie and I reading the great book that Whitney wrote, illustrated, and constructed especially for Ezra. Ezzie loves his Aunt Whit and she is GREAT with him

This is the rocking chair my mom used to rock me 25 years ago :)

Gotta love baths in a giant kitchen sink

Being festive

Ezra meets Grammy, his great grandmother

Ezzie and Poppy (my dad)

Ezra looking drunk with his Grandma Debbie

This is how we looked after a nearly 1.5 hour long drive to the airport in the snow, a 5 hour delay at SeaTac, a missed flight to Amarillo, a walk in 20 degree weather to an Albuquerqe hotel at 11pm, a 7 am flight to Dallas, and a miraculous bump to an earlier Amarillo flight which saved us another 4 hour delay at Love Field... I think we look pretty good considering all that!

One last note- Ezra was a GEM throuout our hellacious day(s) of travel. My favorite moment: Flight Attendant- "Aw, he's SO cute. What's his name?" Me- "Ezra" Flight Attendant- "Ezrap?" Me- "No"

I'll have to tell you the bakery story later...

quick info

2008-12-03T10:04:00.000-08:00

Ezra's liver checked out fine!!! We are so glad, and I'm relieved to not have that nagging fear in the back of my mind anymore. Every little whine would make me think, "oh no! does your liver hurt?" His white blood cell count is back to normal too. We are thanking God. The prayers now? "Please heal Ezzie's ear infection!"

Ok, I have time, so I'll give you the story on the ear. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving we all got sick, all three of us. This was especially alarming for me given Ezra's lack of white blood cells to fight illness. The result: our second page of our health care provider in a week. She said to just keep people's hands and faces off of him. He seemed to be ok anyway. He just was really stuffy and had a little adorable cough that had us saying, "He's got the black lung, Pop!" Sunday, Ez got even more slimy. (Of course, throughout all this, I'm just dying inside thinking that the poor baby is getting so sick because of the lack of anti-body-full breastmilk. I think he's only getting around 6-8 ounces from me a day.) On Monday, Ez was not himself as he seemed a little listless and wouldn't smile at me as much as usual. He also wasn't eating well. That freaked me out given the starving issue and the fact that we still hadn't heard about his liver. By Monday afternoon, Ezra was unable to sleep, unable to eat, and crying in pain. I could get him calmed down, and sweet boy that he is, he would still smile through his little tears at me every now and then. He was crying this shrill, sad cry every time he burbed, coughed, or even looked at a bottle. I immediately suspected that his ears were hurting, although he wasn't tugging at them. Now that I think about it though, he was sort of burrowing that side of his head into me. Poor guy!

OK- here's the really sad part. I had been planning to attempt to join my friend Claudia at her ProRobics advanced aerobics class on Monday nights for probably like 6 weeks or so. That Monday, since Ezzie mostly takes the bottle all the time anyway, I was planning to go; and Brendan was all ready to come home a smidge early from work. Well, I called Claudia to say that I wasn't going to go because Ezzie seemed so miserable. When Brendan came home, he very lovingly convinced me to go to the class since Ez would be sick whether I was there or not. I decided to go, and I had a good time (even though I could only hack it for about 1/2 the class because I'm SO OUT OF SHAPE!). When I got out, I had a text from Brendan that he needed me. I started to panic and called him. I could hear Ezra SCREAMING in the background. Brendan, attempting to sound calm, said that he'd been that way for a while and didn't know what to do. I sped home like a bat out of hell. I almost turned on my emergency flashers. I was crying too! I burst in the door, and Brendan had calmed Ez a bit; he was just whimpering in Brendan's arms. Ezzie saw me and sort of reached out and started crying big again. I just about died! Poor, poor, sweet, sweet baby! Ez continued to shriek. If there was one thing I learned from the whole "starving" episode, it's that when Ezzie complains, something is REALLY wrong. Third page to Leslie in a week. She said that I could take him to Children's if I thought we should. How do I know? That's why I called! (Leslie is WONDERFUL; don't get me wrong.) So, I just prayed, "God, please let me know what to do." Ezra cheered up a bit. He even gave me a couple little smiles. So, I felt like I could wait until the morning to take him to the doctor, especially since I felt that what Ez really needed was a good, comfortable sleep as soon as possible. Ez proceeded to get some food down and then slept for a 5 hour stretch and a 3 hour stretch.

In the morning, we went to Leslie; and sure enough, he had one very red ear. When I asked Leslie if I was abusing my pager privileges, she said, "Oh no! I think you're doing great. You're appropriately anxious right now." Besides, I was right. Something was really wrong with him! I was just relieved that it was a mundane ear infection and not his liver!

Long time...

2008-11-25T11:52:00.000-08:00

no write! Sorry 'bout that. Last week was wild and crazy.

Ezzie is doing fine now, but we had quite the scare as he had lost almost a pound when we checked him at his 4 month well-baby appt. He was 11lbs 3oz at 2 months, and he only weighed 10lbs 9oz at the 4 month. Long story, short: I don't make enough milk anymore; we're trying to figure out why. Ezra is now supplemented with formula (soy b/c we discovered that he's allergic to the cow kind) and has gained a TON of weight in a very short time. I'm pretty sure that he weighs over 12lbs now. He's the happiest baby EVER now that he's not "starving." And, yes, that is the word that was used. In fact, even Ezzie's little liver was functioning so poorly that he looked like a hepatitis patient (on paper) because his body had begun breaking down its own muscle for food. Ez will have an ultrasound and more blood work on Friday to make certain that nothing else is going on with his liver.

Meanwhile, I've been struck with God's mysterious goodness and have been thankful for the resiliency of babies! I have a lot of good pictures, and I think I can even use them to show his progressive, aggressive weight gain over the last week. I'll try to get some up tonight when Rib is home to watch Ez.

Ruminations

2008-11-16T21:44:00.001-08:00

So, this is hard for me to share because I DO NOT consider myself to be an artist. Well, I was an artist, but I can't really dance anymore. So, I have to paint! I wanted to post this, though, because it has been a really great experience, and I am glad with what turned out.

Here is a project that I've been doing to have some adult time. It's the final artistic processing of the last year and a half: miscarriage, trying, new pregnancy, worries, trimesters, birth, and Ezra.

I'm submitting the painting for our next Thread Art Night at CrossPoint Green Lake on December 6th at 7pm. I hope that those of you in the area will come! It should be a really wonderful night of community art of all sorts. Those of you who enjoy The Round, art walks, and such will have a great time at this event. The theme: Anticipation.

The piece is titled Ruminations and attempts to capture the whirlwind of my thoughts and feelings during the time when I was just pregnant with Ezra and didn't know quite yet. That phase reminds me of the "already not yet" nature of our status in Christ. I knew that things would be alright in the end, but I didn't know the great gift (Ez in the belly!) that was already in place, just like we live in a very real reality of God's kingdom already on the earth. It's clouded and hidden from us by the fog and smear of sin. But, we carry in us a great joy in the Holy Spirit, just as I was already carrying the great future joy of Ezra's life in my body.

Those few months between Speck and Spud were the most formative of my spiritual life to date. I did ruminate constantly. My thoughts were always churning but not without great hope. The yellow swoop in the upper right is meant to be Heaven coming down to snatch up that little Speck because, as I like to think, God wanted her for himself in Heaven right away. Everything is his, so I'm glad my little baby is there with Him. I still think about her all the time. And, yeah, I call her her. Because I can, that's why. I love Ezra a smidge more than I would have if she hadn't come along first.

For those of you who won't get to see it up close. Below shows what the writing reads. Most of it is from a scrap of paper on which I jotted down some sad and frustrated thoughts back before Spud came to his watery home. I threw it away, but Brendan rescued it from the garbage. I'm glad he did. It's good to remember how you've felt and what God has led you through.

With all the good gifts I have,
I can't stop thinking about the one that is lost.
I want to be whole
but that would require a uterus that sticks and ovaries that work.
How can I stop thinking about the pieces of my first fruit left all over the city?
Hope. Fear. Wait.

The earth is the Lord's and everything in it.

I will always love you.

A great gift from the greatest Giver. Your mother tried to pray like Hannah. I have seen Him.

BONUS! Picture of my happy, skinny baby :)

A Day in the Life of Ezzyraybera

2008-11-14T20:31:00.000-08:00

GOOD MORNING :)
First thing's first: tummy time

In the afternoon, mommy takes me to the park or somewhere else fun, if it's not too rainy.
Like mom, I find the swing to be a quite natural location for me.

We enjoy the sun whenever it's around!

I'm really used to the sling now. I almost never whine about it anymore :)
In the evening, DADDY'S HOME! I like to chew on him
"Oh, Dad, you look delicious..."

Love that Daddy

When Mom and Dad eat big people food, I'm fascinated and jealous!
"Can I have some, please?"

Around 7, it's time to get ready for bed. Here I am all snuggly after my bath.
Last thing I do (well, besides eating) is read some books! I can turn the pages by myself now!
Goodnight!

Note from Mommy:
Yes, I know it's dorky to write from your child's perspective... but I just can't help it!

Ezra's Post

2008-11-11T15:16:00.000-08:00

77kgm..7kkjkih 7ynnmmmmmmmmmmmmmmml,kusfftfdtfrrt6gtc hc99 be ccy8 djnhn7hjvdkl,mftttttttfgr7 inh y7u yb 00 on

All of the above was typed by Ezra in about 2 minutes. I just keep him from doing anything weird to the computer. Hopefully, each of you will see a loving, personal message from Ez in what he wrote :)

Beth's Birthday

2008-11-09T16:05:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Beth! Here are a few random silly memories...

Beth is my best friend, and I wish I was in Malawi to dance to the birthday song and have a rum and coke with her today. We lived together for the year (and some) before we were each married. Beth is the friend who is most like a sister. We can fight; we can disagree; we can understand each other's thoughts, even when they aren't spoken. I MISS HER!!!

Hopefully, Beth, you'll have a fabulous day there at ABC and will enjoy your first birthday with your son! So far, I can highly recommend being 25; it's a good age. You always say that you appreciate me because I'm honest and give it to you straight. Well, I'm pretty sure I learned a lot of that from you! I just love your whole ding, dang personality, and I can't wait for y'all to get back here.

Haircut!

2008-11-08T11:27:00.001-08:00

Can't tell too well from the pics, but it's long in the front, short in the back... a reverse mullet, I'd say ;)

Fall Photo Shoot

2008-11-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

My friend Piper Moore graciously offered to take some photos of Ezra to boost up her sample work for her blossoming photography business. She is great! She was so great at capturing Ezra's fleeting smiles, and she definitely wasn't scary like some photographers are to kids!

But first...
A blast from the past! Piper also did my wedding photography. August 20, 2005

Now here's Ez!

a

I remember sleep

2008-11-06T10:34:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems to be all the rage these days: babies up in the middle of the night! Brendan and I just had 3 really miserable nights. Ezra has been back to waking up every hour and staying awake between about 3 and 6! Like my dear friend I finally got super frustrated with him last night. Of course, after about 30 seconds of whisper yelling "go to sleep!" I dissolve into feeling bad about being angry with him. It's just so hard. I love him so much, and I don't want him to hurt or be sad. We actually wound up having a pretty cute time together from 5-6 as he sleepily smiled at me from his blanket on the floor, so that was encouraging. Now, though, it's the morning, and I'm running on a third straight night of about 4 (non-consecutive) hours of sleep.

I think it's his teeth, and I think he's hitting some new developmental milestones which also interrupt sleep. He may be going through the 4 month sleep regression a bit early or just growing again. He's still so tall and thin!

New Title

2008-11-04T19:15:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah! I forgot to explain (thanks, Sarah!). "Blark" is baby spit up in Ribera vernacular. Given that blark is a large part of my life, I changed the blog title to reflect the nature of the current news and musings. And, it's funny because it sounds like Spark Notes... get it? get it?

That last explanation is for my husband who always finds it necessary to explain his every joke and comment to me just in case the reason for my lack of laughter is a lack of understanding... it's usually not ;)

A Photo Smorgasborg!

2008-11-03T21:28:00.000-08:00

I have been excited about posting all of these!

BATH TIME

Even in the tub, Ezra can't resist sucking his toes!

Ezzie and I go on lots of little walks in the neighborhood. I need to get an umbrella; today we almost were seriously caught in the rain. I let Ez get sprinkled - he is a Seattle kid, after all! However, I don't want him getting soaked; that'd be downright negligent ;)

Waking Daddy up on Sunday morning. (Sweater vest courtesy of Auntie Nurse Brenna!)
Umm... Just something adorable. We were laughing so hard. It was as though Ezra knew that he looked silly with that shirt on his head, so he was being such a ham!

Watching TV with Chuckanucka. And, NO, I don't need your comments about the fact that he's already watching TV... unless their non-judgmental :) He doesn't watch too much; don't worry!
Trying to consume his entire hand; this teething thing has him practically rabid for fingers and toes.

For Halloween... oh, sorry... Reformation Day, we wore clever, but slacker, "costumes." We were 3 of the 5 "solas," tenets of Martin Luther's theology. Kristen and Daniel were the other two (in our imaginations) at the Reformation Day party our parish group had. Next year, when Ezra is a little bit more able to enjoy getting dressed up and seeing other kids, we are doing Halloween and trick-or-treating at U.Village! I don't like Christianized versions of Halloween celebrations, but that soap box speech is for another post...
(This picture is so funny because it looks like my arm is somehow coming out of Brendan!)

ready for another outing

this is one of Ezra's favorite new toys. he plays with it when he sits in the kitchen with me to watch me cook.

all bundled up and being sweet after a bath

Hope you enjoyed these!

I'm working on my getting my birth story all down on paper, so that will be a post soon!

New Favorite Song

2008-10-29T20:15:00.001-07:00

"My Brother Threw-up on My Stuffed Toy Bunny"

Hmm- can you tell I'm now a parent?

Yoga Evidence

2008-10-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

Here is a fuzzy, but fun, pic from post-natal yoga :) My friend Lea took it.

Social Baby

2008-10-24T10:28:00.000-07:00

I've discovered that Ezra is taking after mommy and seems to be extroverted! Or, at least, he's a curious baby who loves to be out and about :) As you'll see in pictures to come, he takes after his daddy quite a bit too.

We took Ezra to Seattle Center last Saturday to enjoy the GORGEOUS fall weather.

Here are some randomly interjected pictures displaying Ezra's newfound skill: toe grabbing! He puts them in his mouth and everything :)

What up? Baby in a hood

kisses!!!

This is a picture of my new tummy technique for Ez. He loves doing tummy time if I just prop him up a little bit on a blanket. Then, he uses his arms. I think he's getting the hang of pushing himself up with his arms, so hopefully soon I'll be able to remove the blanket altogether.

Here he is taking after Brendan: he's keyboard obsessed! If you've yet to receive chat or email from Ezra, just wait; you will!

This is SUPER BABY! (with "Law and Order" in the background).

Playing on his train blanket from some friends in 'rillo.

This week was full of fun that I didn't get to take photograph.
Monday, we stayed home b/c mommy had a cold.
Tuesday we went to a new community mommies' group that meets up the block and learned that indeed Ezra has a TOOTH coming in! I didn't believe him, but sure enough there is a little nub pushing through. The nurse who facilitates the Tuesday group confirmed it for me. Later that day, we went to Paper Zone (which Ezra loved- so many colors!) and Pier 1 (throw pillows for $6!!!). I take Ezra out of the carseat every chance I get now. He has way more fun when I hold him stores so he can flirt and look at everything. He's grown up so much that he no longer pitches a giant fit when he gets in the seat! Thank God!
Wednesday we went to Baby Sing Along at the Seattle Holistic Center. That was a trip and a half!It was very hippy, but, ya know, I kind of like that stuff. There were a few moments of potential earth worship, but I kept Ezra straight by saying the truth in his ear! Icold really write a whole post about it. After that I took him to Brendan & Jessica park (known to some as The Secret Garden!). It was his first playground trip, and he wanted to touch everything. I put him in the sling and we swang (swinged?) together
Thursday we went to another moms' group, and we met the baby that Cindie delivered 2 days before Ez!
Today is a baby shower!
We are busy and having fun :)

Lame

2008-10-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

I know I'm lame. I will try to get pictures up soon! I have a bunch of new fun photos from our recent adventures :)

3 Months and More Yoga

2008-10-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

Ezra turned "3" on Tuesday. We celebrated by going to the pet store to buy more food and cage filler for the guinea pigs. Woo Hoo! Ezra didn't seem to mind the lack of cake... though, I did, a bit. :)
He has new tricks these days. He has laughed 3 times quite obviously and had some half hearted attempts at it for Brendan this morning. He's starting to roll a little more from his back to his side. I'm working on more effective tummy time to strengthen his arms. I'll try my best to get some laughing on video once it becomes a more regular behavior.

Ezra has now joined his mother in being a yoga fan. Brendan ordered Itsy Bitsy Yoga for us, and so far Ezra really seems to enjoy doing baby yoga with us. I think it is helping him to relax before bedtime, and it must also be aiding his digestion b/c we don't have nearly as many bouts with a fussy tummy these days. I love having more ideas for how to play with him, and I'm glad that I can know what all the little games and stretches are helping Ezra to learn or helping his body to do. Ezra's favorite pose? SUPER BABY! He also seems to like One Foot, Two Foot Lotus. I HIGHLY reccomend getting this book. Be ready to ignore whatever cheesy stuff bothers you (umm, imagine your heart glowing with your favorite color????), but overall it is really great.

High Maintenance!

2008-10-11T09:17:00.001-07:00

Ezra has been eating every 2 hours or so lately. So, I haven't had much time to do stuff. Yesterday, he went back to a more infrequent feeding schedule. He is cuter everyday, though! So, go to flik r to check out our most recent pics :)

Yoga

2008-09-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

If you've been reading my blog since before the cute pictures of Ezra started going up, you'll know that yoga was an important part of my preparation for Ezra's birth. Now that he's here, yoga is a part of my continued effort to re-knit my body back together. I've been taking Postnatal Yoga with Infant at the Seattle Holistic Center. I absolutely LOVE the class. I've only been twice, and already I am totally addicted. Ezra even seems to enjoy it. Today he didn't fuss at all (well, ok, a few times to let me know that there were some fellow babies crying). He likes to watch me do funny things with my enormous (from his perspective) body.

In general, I'm feeling very well recovered from the birth- both physically and mentally. Everyone told me that the rough memories would gloss over a bit, and that's finally started to happen. Going to this class is my first attempt since the birth to do something really restorative (aside from attending worship, of course) for myself. It has been wonderful to see how well I can already use my abs again! I also enjoy having time, albeit brief, to sit, breath, and sort of zone out. I know a lot of Christians have problems with yoga because of its spiritual aspects, but I like it for that reason. Of course, the difference for me is that I try to rest, be still, and think of the one true God whom I believe in and not some amorphous spirituality. Doing anything that can make me feel peaceful and rejuvenated is good right now for me and for Ezra too.

So, if anyone wants to join me, the class is on Thursdays at 11- details on the website. It's very easy yoga; a beginner could definitely hack it. The instructor is wonderful and sensitive to each woman's and baby's needs. My first class, she held Ezra for about half the time so that I could just focus and enjoy moving. Ezra was happier that way anyway!

Fun, Fun!

2008-09-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

This photo was the result of like 5 tries to get a picture of me not looking goofy or horrible... yep, that's really the best we could do! I'm tired at the end of the day!

Before the video of the previous post was shot

"Why are you waking me????"

Handsome and showing off his one-side-of-the-mouth Meador smile :)

Yep, fell asleep with his plockie in MY mouth. Brendan found us this way, and then we created it for the photo :)

New toys! Brendan and I got Ez the name train and the Jonah puzzle on our little trip to Leavenworth a couple weekends ago. The last thing there is a pop gun from Barbara... of course, we hadn't yet discussed gun toys, but there it is... I'm thinking that will be the only one he has!

These are some lovely birds on a perch that Auntie Lola made for Ezra. I love them! She's so clever

Playing with his rattle! And attempting to read all our book titles

Beethoven Hair :)

Tongue, ta-tongue, tongue, TONGUE

"Hi, Mommy!"

"Gandalf, Frodo, NO FAIR" This one is for you, peeps who know that means :)

A long visit with Ezra

2008-09-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

8 weeks old

2008-09-10T11:08:00.000-07:00

Here I am pondering questions of the ages while rocking the little E-town

Actually, I think I was pondering the question: How many Riberas does it take to put together a pack-n-play?

Apparently, it takes 3!
Way to go Ribera G-parents!

Brendan and Ez on the golf course on our mini-vacay

My Wolverine Baby! Hopefully, next post I'll get up the picture of the Beethoven hair!

Snuggling in Leavenworth

Smooching in Leavenworth

What can I say? He's just really cute!

Slingin' in Leavenworth

Hey!

Bath pic

It's important that every Meador descendant know the importance of buckets! We're starting early with Ez

Ez enjoys licking the quilt Dacia made for him. I hear that this quilt got featured by a popular crafty blog. I'll have to get a link to post!

Hope you enjoyed these! I'm still not very good at getting the camera out at the right moment. Ezra is more in tune with his world every day, and I am having so much fun watching him learn and grow!

A few pics

2008-08-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

I'm loving the g-diapers, but I usually just put a cloth diaper inside. It works really well, though I have a challenge for you, g diaper people. Create your own, perfectly sized cloth inserts. I'd buy 'em!
Ezra after a rough night of partying

Smiling!

Cutest thing ever!

my two freshly bathed boys

"wow- I have hands!"
how I spend most of my time

the whiney faces are just so cute!

That lip! I can (and sometimes do!) make this exact face!

Smiles and Goos

2008-08-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

Anniversary

2008-08-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

Today is Rib's and my 3rd anniversary. Feels like it's been MUCH longer than that- in a good way :). So far, we celebrated by having cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Tonight, Brendan will be seeing Radiohead with his brothers while I hang at home with Ezra. So, I'll be honest, that sucks. I love Ezra- that part doesn't suck, but I'm definitely jealous that Brendan won't be here. Of course, I was fully aware when he bought the ticket that it would be our anniversary and that I would feel this way today. He hasn't seen Radiohead before, and I feel like that's one of those things that he should get to do. Being the romantic person in our relationship, I felt that it would be lovey and sacrifical of me to say, "you go ahead; I know you'll love that." Naturally, that same romantic sentimentality is what is now making me feel lonely and bummed out that we're not having some amazing day together! Dinged if I do, danged if I don't, I guess. I'm hoping to get my fix of romantic attention when we go on our yet to be planned weekend trip in the next few weeks. We'll see...

Being married has been wonderful, and I feel like we've made lots of progress in relating to one another. That said, we still have the SAME fight every 3-6 months (with lots of little ones in between, of course!). Becoming parents together this year has changed our relationship, and I look forward to navigating the future with him. I often whisper to Ezra that he is so blessed to have parents who love each other, think each other is cool, and are committed to always working things out. I'm so sad that marriage has become such an optional institution, once it is engaged, in our country. We haven't been at it for long, but I already and still love it... and am willing to keep on keeping on when it is hard.

Love you, Ribby! Have fun at Radiohead... and at least buy me a T-shirt!

An Attempt

2008-08-18T10:10:00.001-07:00

Alright, here is a quick attempt to blog while Ezra chills (sort of) in the bouncy seat. The big event in our lives this week was the departure of the Robbins :( So sad. We had a nice little time at Golden Gardens with them the night before, and I got to rescue Ezra from being trampled by a dog! Supermommy!

In other news, Brendan is being a great dad. I don't think I've mentioned that yet. He's really good at hanging out and soothing Ez. We've also got an arrangement in which Rib feeds him a bottle once at night, so I can sleep.

Ok- I now need to love on the little guy! Pictures from week 5 are at Flickr.

Busy/ Tired/ Feeding the Baby

2008-08-12T22:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry for lack of posting! You can see recent pics of Ezra on Flickr
http://flickr.com/photos/bribera/

So Much Fun

2008-08-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

Bathtime!

In his overalls from Aunt Brenna!

Looking cute for church... and trying his darndest to not go to sleep and show off his fledgling head-holding skills

Reading with Daddy in a hat from Keren
Can you see why I am ABSOLUTELY in love!?
I love tummy-time
he really does look this happy... no fancy camera work!
Daddy snacking on our sweetie
The family

Quick Facts

2008-07-31T17:28:00.000-07:00

Before he wakes up...

He is now 9lbs and 21.5 inches long. He is a GREAT baby. He eats very well and quickly :). He has 2 or 3 really fun, long active periods each day. Today he played on his tummy without whining for 10 minutes! He's barrel chested, which is adorable; and, he self soothes by playing with his hair... a technique his daddy still uses! Ezra was baptized this past Sunday, and we are so overwhelmed with God's goodness in promising his love to us and our children.

I'm doing MUCH better. My labor kicked my behind, but I'm feeling mostly recovered. I'm extremely sleep deprived, but our system is getting better with each passing night. It seems that when I'm at absolute wit's end... he somehow lets me get 4 hours of sleep. God is good! I'll have to write someday in the future about my thoughts on natural childbirth and my first weeks of motherhood. The reviews are mixed! However, I'm blown away whenever I stare down into little Ezzie's face and reflect on what a gift he is. It feels like the rollercoaster I was on since my pregnancy with Speck has finally allowed me to exit! Of course, now I'm on another ride altogether... but, I've always loved a good, wild rollercoaster!

Just a quick preview... glad I did my birth naturally, but it was not the wonderful, cool experience all the books said it would be. Don't think I was naive, though! Not like I didn't think it would hurt :) Similarly, while it's cool from a biological standpoint, breastfeeding does not conjure words like "magical" and "rewarding," and it's been a breeze for us! Can't imagine what it's like for people who have trouble with it. Of course, Ezra thinks it's great ;)

and some more

2008-07-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

eventually,i'll write long, dramatic posts again. For now, i'm typing w/ just mylefthand while breastfeeding :)

Photo Update

2008-07-26T17:03:00.000-07:00

Here are some photos from Ezra's second week:

Well, hello!

The Ribera cradle.

Three generations.

Whoa that STINKS!

Hi, Grandma Debbie!

I love my Poppy.

The Raspberry.

Blarking on my red muscle shirt.

Hanging out with dad.

I love CHUCKANUKA!

Something Quick

2008-07-19T09:40:00.000-07:00

As I look back on the birth (which I'll have to tell you more about later), a certain line from a Crosby, Stills, and Nash song keeps springing to mind. "Sometimes it hurts so badly I must cry out loud" Yeah, that about sums it all!

Early Days

2008-07-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

This is Jessica semi-cogent :). It was hard, but I love him. Now that I've had a little catch-up on sleep I'm really starting to feel exponentially better. Enjoy pictures! Gotta go feed him!

The baby formerly known as Spud

2008-07-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

Brendan here. Spud has a great latch at the moment, so I have the honor of authoring this much awaited update.

Yesterday was an incredible day. Jessica's water broke at 4 A.M., and early labor contractions began immediately. We spent the morning laboring on the porch and in our living room, and headed off to the hospital a little before 2 P.M. At this point, Jessica's contractions were really intense and things seemed to be progressing quickly.

At the hospital.

Our midwife, Cindie, met us at the hospital and checked Jessica out. She was at 3cm; that news was disheartening to both of us, since Jessica had been working hard all morning. Cindie wisely reassured us that Jessica had been making great progress, and that (warning: the following is my math geek paraphrase) dilation is often a nonlinear function of time. Sure enough, she was right! Jessica labored from 3cm to 9cm in the tub, and it only took her 2 short-but-excruciating hours. She was incredible; I am so impressed by her stamina (both physical and mental) and her trust in the Lord.

Jessica transitioned in the tub; although the urge to push never really manifested, we moved her to the bed and she pushed even without the urge. True to her ballet roots, Jessica found a ridiculous, look-at-my-insane-flexibility-even-while-birthing position to be the most tolerable and productive. Pushing lasted for a while (approximately 1 hour and 30 minutes from the first time we saw the head until crowning), and Jessica was obviously exhausted from the intense labor she did in the tub. I must reiterate: this girl has endurance! Spud was an incredible trooper, too, maintaining an excellent heart rate throughout the day. On July 13, 2008, at 7:36 P.M., after nearly 16 hours of completely natural labor, Spud crowned and immediately flopped all the way out.

Birthing and acute angles.

Now for the details you're actually interested in:

Ezra Wray Ribera weighed in at 8lbs, 3oz. Being 19.5" long, he seems more like his dad... at least in terms of birth statistics. However, he makes the smooshy Meador face with excellent form, so we're decidedly undecided about who he takes after more. He is incredibly active and alert, and is almost holding his own head up already. He's also nursing well, and he has a really sweet, gentle temperament.

Thank you all for your prayers. Praise the Lord for this wonderful child!

The whole family.

8lbs 3oz, and such a good patient!

I love my daddy!

I love my mommy, too. What a day!

More pictures available on Flickr

Nope, not yet

2008-07-10T12:14:00.000-07:00

Just in case you're wondering, he's not outside yet :) I'm afraid to leave any status unchanged or blog un-updated for too long lest people think I'm busy doing something else! Just been hanging out with my mom :)

Due Date!

2008-07-07T13:22:00.000-07:00

As I wrote Spud today, we've yet to see if this day means anything to him, but it certainly means a lot to me! Been through one due date before; and, although it, like today, definitely inspired some deep reflection on the goodness and faithfulness of God, this one is WAY more fun! I'm feeling ready for the long haul if Spud decides to be "late," but of course I am very eager to meet him. Mom arrives tomorrow!!! YAY! So, that event will help break up the waiting period.

Brendan and I bought a camcorder (thanks, economic stimulus pkg) in preparation for Spuddy's arrival. Here's how we've been putting it to use. I give you: The Due Date Dance

Cupcakes

2008-07-02T14:52:00.001-07:00

All my facebook friends are well aware of my new obsession with Trophy Cupcake and Party in Wallingford. Now, I feel compelled to write a blog post about them too!

I have NEVER been a real dessert girl. Especially since moving to Seattle, I always wanted more dinner than dessert. But, now that I'm carrying the spawn of a sweet tooth, I really like the sugar. Of course, a lot of that stems from my increasing caloric and protein needs. My body only thinks it wants dessert because sugar is quick energy. But, WHATEVER. I pack in the protein and eat very healthily, so if I feel like one desserty indulgence a day - I'm doing it!

Trophy Cupcake's owner was featured on Martha Stewart several months ago, and I finally made a visit. Martha was definitely on to something because this shop makes the best cupcakes I have EVER had. The frosting is really what does it; it is super creamy, never crusty, and very flavorful. It all tastes nice and homemade, and they feature fresh ingredients (like the farmer's market blueberries in my blueberry cupcake today). I've been to other shops in town, and it would almost be cruel to compare them to Trophy.

Here's what I got today:
That's my half-eaten blueberry on the plate. In the box, from left to right, are hummingbird (pineapple-banana cake with cream cheese frosting), mint-chocolate, and vanilla-chocolate.

So, if you live in Seattle, EAT A CUPCAKE! Trophy Cupcake

"What do you do all day?"

2008-07-01T17:18:00.000-07:00

I get this question a lot, so I decided to write a little post. It is growing increasingly difficult to be thankful rather than crabby about all the free time on my hands. I am blessed to have been out of work for 5 months now! I am SO EAGER to start my new job, Spudkin's Mom, full time. Although, I know that I've already been Spud's mom for 9 months. I'm just ready to start the hands on work!

So, meanwhile, here's what I've been up to today. I woke up this morning and immediately began harassing Brendan to come back to bed, chat, and snuggle with me. That's a great way to kill the first half-hour of awake time :). Then, I got all ready, ate some breakfast and immediately went back to sleep. That is extremely atypical. I'm usually terrible at napping, but last night my midwife told me that I should take an hour each morning and each afternoon to just lay down and rest. Having been given explicit instruction, I'm much more willing to do the resting I need to do. Also, I really don't sleep well at night, and I've become really exhausted the last week or so. I slept on and off until 12:30 today! How's that for an answer to "what do you do all day?"

Then, I got up, quickly ate lunch and went to a prayer group I attend on Tuesdays. I love doing that, and today was no exception. I was especially blessed today by all the praying that the Spirit led about putting off wickedness and putting on righteousness.

Next was a trip to PCC to replenish my vitamin stash. Added a B-Complex to help with my recent sleep-deprivation instigated crabbiness. A little side note: I'm into chelated minerals these days, and I really believe that they are wonderful. Since, I've been taking my chelated iron, I've had no tummy issues to speak of, even though I take 2 at a time! I also got some dark chocolate covered blackberry organic ice cream bars - very important in late fetal development ;)

I came home and wrote notes to folks. We've been blessed with a steady stream of gifts, so I had thank you notes to do. I also wrote a letter to my grandmother :)

Then, I began my cooking project of the day: quiches to freeze. I'm a HUGE quiche fan, and the little ones at Trader Joe's are great, but I eat them fast and think that habit could get expensive. Actually, I know that because they were my main food source during my nauseous first trimester. So, I decided to make some big ones to freeze. They'll be great to have once Spuddy Buddy is born.

The quiches are roasted tomato, green onion, basil, and cheese. They're cooking now, and they smell great! I used whole wheat crusts, and I can smell the wholesomeness. I had a little adventure with the tomatoes. I think I put too much olive oil on them, and they majorly smoked up in the oven. The smoke detector, a chair, a towel, and scared guinea pigs were then involved. Everything turned out fine, though, and the tomatoes are delicious :). I sauteed the green onions in butter to give them a little gentler, more savory flavor. Fortunately, enough filling was left for me to make a little extra "frittata," which for me is a crustless quiche, so we'll get to taste it sooner than later!

Then, I wrote this silly blog post. Another way I like to spend my time :). I also like chatting on gmail with far-away friends and my sister.

After a little rest, I plan to make dinner and await the arrival of the Rib. Tonight we're having salad and burritos... done enough fancy cooking for today!

Holding Pattern

2008-06-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

It appears that Spud and I are in a holding pattern. Spud is still super far down, and I'm still only as physically progressed as I've been for the last week and a half or so. That means: we can all calm down a bit! Although he still could come any day, Spud's appearance of possible early arrival seems to be slowed. I must say that I was slightly disappointed because the last couple weeks really got me excited about meeting him soon. But, I'm fine. I expected him to be late, so he really is still perfectly on schedule in my book!

All that said, he'll be here when he's here, and I promise: you'll all know!