Another Busy LONG Weekend

We got to have Monday together! Rib was off yesterday, so that was great. I, oddly, didn't have the day off. Rib came to watch me teach. It was the first time anyone watched me. My students enjoyed having a nice, handsome audience.

On Friday night, we were at a reception for some friends who eloped in December. I was in charge of fruit. Since it was a wedding reception and not your average church potluck, I decided to try a little harder than usual. My mom got me thinking about topiaries when I was home with her, so I decided to attempt some fruit topiaries. I was too lazy to go purchase dowel rods and do them up right, so they became fruit balls. I was pretty worried they'd look like brains... and one of them sort of did. They were cool though. I used lots of nice fruit, nothing that oxidizes, and edible flowers, so it stayed looking nice. Here's the finished product:
On Saturday, we engaged in an interesting quest. I'll start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.

I'd been feeling sort of oddly out of sorts and a little depressed. I thought I was just tired and emotional... which I probably was. But, I figured things out when I signed Rib and myself up for our birthing/early infancy class. I thought, "Wow, if Speck hadn't died [Baby #1], I'd be finished with all this by now. In fact, I'd be giving birth sometime really soon." Well, that explained some of my weird, free-floating angst. Somewhere inside I knew that my body ought to be up to something big. We figured out that Speck's due date would have been January 25th, this coming Friday.

I thought I was crazy, but I talked to a couple of my imaginary-club members, other people who've had miscarriages, and I guess the following thought process is common. It goes something like this: Am I forgetting all about my first baby just because now I have a new one that's doing better? I don't want to forget Speck. I love Speck just as much, if not differently, as I love Spud. But, who cares if I forget Speck. Speck doesn't. Speck, I believe, is in Heaven with Jesus and does not need me to love her. But, I care if I forget. That baby changed my life. I'm pretty sure that baby's departure changed my personality. I learned things about God, and prayer, and me, and Brendan, and my friends that I might not have learned otherwise. And, I'm the mother of TWO children, not just my one baby Spudkin.

It's all very strange to think about. So, I decided that I wanted to have something to commemorate Speck's due date and Speck, her tiny speck-sized self. An Ebenezer. God instructed many people to build things to help remind them of what he did for them. Not to mention, God himself is very into giving us signs and pictures to help us remember things about him. Rainbows, the Lord's Supper, circumcision, baptism. There are a lot. Thus, the quest began.
I wanted to get baby rings for each of my children and wear them on a necklace. Well, for whatever reason most people at jewelry stores in Seattle are clueless about the entire concept of baby rings. In the south, it's common for people to get rings or bracelets for their babies to wear. I'm sure it isn't terribly safe, but there you have it. We went to Green Lake Jewelry Works to see if we could just have some little rings made for us. It was going to be about $200 to make one and about $300 to make two. That's crazy. I didn't want this thing to be a big expensive production. My gold wedding band was only $50, so I wasn't about to pay $200 to have that exact ring, just 3 times smaller. We decided to go with another option. Rather than something that I could add for each child, we chose to just get something that would be specifically Speck related. The January birthstone is garnet, so we ordered a tiny little gold ring with a garnet in the center for me to wear on my pinkie, next to my wedding bands. That was way cheaper and, I think, a more special way to remember my first little one.

Anyway, this has been a bizarre week emotionally as I approach Friday. I'm so thankful for Speck. God has been so gentle and instructive with me. Of course, the experience of the miscarriage will always be a bad memory, as will the aftermath of being so alone and unsupported by those around me (with the major exceptions of Brendan, our families, Brenna, and Christy). So, I go back and forth between these feelings of joy at God's work and sorrow over the effects of sin. I'm excited to have that little ring to remind me of God's goodness and teaching, but it will be weird to wear because it will also recall all the feelings of how rough this last summer was. I think, though, that, due to sanctification and the fact that God works to redeem relationships, over time the sad feelings may wear thinner and the joy may get thicker. It's already gone that direction since the summer and since Spud showed up :)