Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Bakery Story and More Pics

A warm Texas day- probably 70-something. Of course, day after Christmas it was 18 and snowing

Helping Poppy play speed scrabble

in his Christmas outfit playing the plockie game with g-ma

Dusty, Whit, Me, and Rib

BOGGLE!!! Brendan always stomps everyone

Bakery Story:

So, you know what a "cream horn" is? It's this pastry shaped like a horn that's filled with creamy frosting. Mom likes them, and Whitney and I were in the bakery getting my favorite childhood cookies and thought we'd get mom a cream horn.

Me:"I need a cream horn and..."
Cashier: "What?"
Me:"A cream horn"
Cashier (with a knowing look) "OH, cream CORN"
Me: "NO. cream HHHHORN."
Whitney and I had to use every last shred of willpower to not completely lose it. I had to finish my order. When she walked away we both lost it. The cashier came back over and Whitney had to run away to the day old rack and become way to interested in a loaf of bread just to be able to keep it together. It was hilarious! So, now we're always saying, Oh, cream CORN. Pretty much my favorite funny experience of the year- almost tops baby sing along.

ALSO, I loathsomely left Uncle Dusty out of my last post. Hanging out with my hilarious brother-in-law has been a highlight of the trip. Watching him and Whit together is so fun especially since last year we were all so busy doing the wedding that we hardly had time to get to know Dustin. He, like Whit, is great with Ezra, and I'm so sad that Ez won't get to spend more time in his young life around his Texan aunt and uncle. If Dustin ends up preaching at a church near you, GO THERE!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Sorry I'm SO LAME

It's been busy! We've been in Texas for just over a week, and we have 2 to go. It has been fabulous. Ezzie can sit on his own now and almost rolls from back to front. He also babbles and squeals like crazy! I LOVE having my family around us, and I'm not looking forward to going home. Although, I do love Seattle, and I miss my church and friends. Still, mom, dad, sister and Skeeter (the dog) are awfully magnetic. Don't worry, I still really can't stand Amarillo ;)

Ezzie and I reading the great book that Whitney wrote, illustrated, and constructed especially for Ezra. Ezzie loves his Aunt Whit and she is GREAT with him

This is the rocking chair my mom used to rock me 25 years ago :)

Gotta love baths in a giant kitchen sink

Being festive

Ezra meets Grammy, his great grandmother

Ezzie and Poppy (my dad)

Ezra looking drunk with his Grandma Debbie

This is how we looked after a nearly 1.5 hour long drive to the airport in the snow, a 5 hour delay at SeaTac, a missed flight to Amarillo, a walk in 20 degree weather to an Albuquerqe hotel at 11pm, a 7 am flight to Dallas, and a miraculous bump to an earlier Amarillo flight which saved us another 4 hour delay at Love Field... I think we look pretty good considering all that!
One last note- Ezra was a GEM throuout our hellacious day(s) of travel. My favorite moment: Flight Attendant- "Aw, he's SO cute. What's his name?" Me- "Ezra" Flight Attendant- "Ezrap?" Me- "No"
I'll have to tell you the bakery story later...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

quick info

Ezra's liver checked out fine!!! We are so glad, and I'm relieved to not have that nagging fear in the back of my mind anymore. Every little whine would make me think, "oh no! does your liver hurt?" His white blood cell count is back to normal too. We are thanking God. The prayers now? "Please heal Ezzie's ear infection!"

Ok, I have time, so I'll give you the story on the ear. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving we all got sick, all three of us. This was especially alarming for me given Ezra's lack of white blood cells to fight illness. The result: our second page of our health care provider in a week. She said to just keep people's hands and faces off of him. He seemed to be ok anyway. He just was really stuffy and had a little adorable cough that had us saying, "He's got the black lung, Pop!" Sunday, Ez got even more slimy. (Of course, throughout all this, I'm just dying inside thinking that the poor baby is getting so sick because of the lack of anti-body-full breastmilk. I think he's only getting around 6-8 ounces from me a day.) On Monday, Ez was not himself as he seemed a little listless and wouldn't smile at me as much as usual. He also wasn't eating well. That freaked me out given the starving issue and the fact that we still hadn't heard about his liver. By Monday afternoon, Ezra was unable to sleep, unable to eat, and crying in pain. I could get him calmed down, and sweet boy that he is, he would still smile through his little tears at me every now and then. He was crying this shrill, sad cry every time he burbed, coughed, or even looked at a bottle. I immediately suspected that his ears were hurting, although he wasn't tugging at them. Now that I think about it though, he was sort of burrowing that side of his head into me. Poor guy!

OK- here's the really sad part. I had been planning to attempt to join my friend Claudia at her ProRobics advanced aerobics class on Monday nights for probably like 6 weeks or so. That Monday, since Ezzie mostly takes the bottle all the time anyway, I was planning to go; and Brendan was all ready to come home a smidge early from work. Well, I called Claudia to say that I wasn't going to go because Ezzie seemed so miserable. When Brendan came home, he very lovingly convinced me to go to the class since Ez would be sick whether I was there or not. I decided to go, and I had a good time (even though I could only hack it for about 1/2 the class because I'm SO OUT OF SHAPE!). When I got out, I had a text from Brendan that he needed me. I started to panic and called him. I could hear Ezra SCREAMING in the background. Brendan, attempting to sound calm, said that he'd been that way for a while and didn't know what to do. I sped home like a bat out of hell. I almost turned on my emergency flashers. I was crying too! I burst in the door, and Brendan had calmed Ez a bit; he was just whimpering in Brendan's arms. Ezzie saw me and sort of reached out and started crying big again. I just about died! Poor, poor, sweet, sweet baby! Ez continued to shriek. If there was one thing I learned from the whole "starving" episode, it's that when Ezzie complains, something is REALLY wrong. Third page to Leslie in a week. She said that I could take him to Children's if I thought we should. How do I know? That's why I called! (Leslie is WONDERFUL; don't get me wrong.) So, I just prayed, "God, please let me know what to do." Ezra cheered up a bit. He even gave me a couple little smiles. So, I felt like I could wait until the morning to take him to the doctor, especially since I felt that what Ez really needed was a good, comfortable sleep as soon as possible. Ez proceeded to get some food down and then slept for a 5 hour stretch and a 3 hour stretch.

In the morning, we went to Leslie; and sure enough, he had one very red ear. When I asked Leslie if I was abusing my pager privileges, she said, "Oh no! I think you're doing great. You're appropriately anxious right now." Besides, I was right. Something was really wrong with him! I was just relieved that it was a mundane ear infection and not his liver!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Long time...

no write! Sorry 'bout that. Last week was wild and crazy.

Ezzie is doing fine now, but we had quite the scare as he had lost almost a pound when we checked him at his 4 month well-baby appt. He was 11lbs 3oz at 2 months, and he only weighed 10lbs 9oz at the 4 month. Long story, short: I don't make enough milk anymore; we're trying to figure out why. Ezra is now supplemented with formula (soy b/c we discovered that he's allergic to the cow kind) and has gained a TON of weight in a very short time. I'm pretty sure that he weighs over 12lbs now. He's the happiest baby EVER now that he's not "starving." And, yes, that is the word that was used. In fact, even Ezzie's little liver was functioning so poorly that he looked like a hepatitis patient (on paper) because his body had begun breaking down its own muscle for food. Ez will have an ultrasound and more blood work on Friday to make certain that nothing else is going on with his liver.

Meanwhile, I've been struck with God's mysterious goodness and have been thankful for the resiliency of babies! I have a lot of good pictures, and I think I can even use them to show his progressive, aggressive weight gain over the last week. I'll try to get some up tonight when Rib is home to watch Ez.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


So, this is hard for me to share because I DO NOT consider myself to be an artist. Well, I was an artist, but I can't really dance anymore. So, I have to paint! I wanted to post this, though, because it has been a really great experience, and I am glad with what turned out.

Here is a project that I've been doing to have some adult time. It's the final artistic processing of the last year and a half: miscarriage, trying, new pregnancy, worries, trimesters, birth, and Ezra.

I'm submitting the painting for our next Thread Art Night at CrossPoint Green Lake on December 6th at 7pm. I hope that those of you in the area will come! It should be a really wonderful night of community art of all sorts. Those of you who enjoy The Round, art walks, and such will have a great time at this event. The theme: Anticipation.

The piece is titled Ruminations and attempts to capture the whirlwind of my thoughts and feelings during the time when I was just pregnant with Ezra and didn't know quite yet. That phase reminds me of the "already not yet" nature of our status in Christ. I knew that things would be alright in the end, but I didn't know the great gift (Ez in the belly!) that was already in place, just like we live in a very real reality of God's kingdom already on the earth. It's clouded and hidden from us by the fog and smear of sin. But, we carry in us a great joy in the Holy Spirit, just as I was already carrying the great future joy of Ezra's life in my body.

Those few months between Speck and Spud were the most formative of my spiritual life to date. I did ruminate constantly. My thoughts were always churning but not without great hope. The yellow swoop in the upper right is meant to be Heaven coming down to snatch up that little Speck because, as I like to think, God wanted her for himself in Heaven right away. Everything is his, so I'm glad my little baby is there with Him. I still think about her all the time. And, yeah, I call her her. Because I can, that's why. I love Ezra a smidge more than I would have if she hadn't come along first.

For those of you who won't get to see it up close. Below shows what the writing reads. Most of it is from a scrap of paper on which I jotted down some sad and frustrated thoughts back before Spud came to his watery home. I threw it away, but Brendan rescued it from the garbage. I'm glad he did. It's good to remember how you've felt and what God has led you through.

With all the good gifts I have,
I can't stop thinking about the one that is lost.
I want to be whole
but that would require a uterus that sticks and ovaries that work.
How can I stop thinking about the pieces of my first fruit left all over the city?
Hope. Fear. Wait.

The earth is the Lord's and everything in it.

I will always love you.

A great gift from the greatest Giver. Your mother tried to pray like Hannah. I have seen Him.

BONUS! Picture of my happy, skinny baby :)

Friday, November 14, 2008

A Day in the Life of Ezzyraybera

First thing's first: tummy time

In the afternoon, mommy takes me to the park or somewhere else fun, if it's not too rainy.
Like mom, I find the swing to be a quite natural location for me.

We enjoy the sun whenever it's around!

I'm really used to the sling now. I almost never whine about it anymore :)
In the evening, DADDY'S HOME! I like to chew on him
"Oh, Dad, you look delicious..."

Love that Daddy

When Mom and Dad eat big people food, I'm fascinated and jealous!
"Can I have some, please?"

Around 7, it's time to get ready for bed. Here I am all snuggly after my bath.
Last thing I do (well, besides eating) is read some books! I can turn the pages by myself now!

Note from Mommy:
Yes, I know it's dorky to write from your child's perspective... but I just can't help it!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Ezra's Post

77kgm..7kkjkih 7ynnmmmmmmmmmmmmmmml,kusfftfdtfrrt6gtc hc99 be ccy8 djnhn7hjvdkl,mftttttttfgr7 inh y7u yb 00 on

All of the above was typed by Ezra in about 2 minutes. I just keep him from doing anything weird to the computer. Hopefully, each of you will see a loving, personal message from Ez in what he wrote :)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Beth's Birthday

Happy Birthday, Beth! Here are a few random silly memories...

Beth is my best friend, and I wish I was in Malawi to dance to the birthday song and have a rum and coke with her today. We lived together for the year (and some) before we were each married. Beth is the friend who is most like a sister. We can fight; we can disagree; we can understand each other's thoughts, even when they aren't spoken. I MISS HER!!!

Hopefully, Beth, you'll have a fabulous day there at ABC and will enjoy your first birthday with your son! So far, I can highly recommend being 25; it's a good age. You always say that you appreciate me because I'm honest and give it to you straight. Well, I'm pretty sure I learned a lot of that from you! I just love your whole ding, dang personality, and I can't wait for y'all to get back here.

Saturday, November 8, 2008


Can't tell too well from the pics, but it's long in the front, short in the back... a reverse mullet, I'd say ;)

Friday, November 7, 2008

Fall Photo Shoot

My friend Piper Moore graciously offered to take some photos of Ezra to boost up her sample work for her blossoming photography business. She is great! She was so great at capturing Ezra's fleeting smiles, and she definitely wasn't scary like some photographers are to kids!

But first...
A blast from the past! Piper also did my wedding photography. August 20, 2005

Now here's Ez!