One last thought-

My life is amazingly blessed. I don't want to complain because I'm thankful for so many things. Spud is healthy. My husband is wonderful, and we love each other. Our new apartment looks great; we can afford it; and I have time to rest and enjoy it. I'm actually also really thankful that I made it so long in my pregnancy before any real serious back pain began. Finally, of course, we get to know the love of Christ. So, all in all, I'd say I'm very much in the black!

Emotional Vomit

My dad, who is very quotable, said to me, "You put things on your blog that I don't even tell myself." What can I say? I'm inside out, and it helps me to talk or write things out. So here I go again...

Today I'm emo about a lot of things. First, Bethany had her baby! The predominant feeling about that is, of course, wild happiness! It sounds like she did a great job with a hard labor. Still waiting for pictures of Elijah, I can't wait to see him. I've been on pins and needles for a few days now and have been having sympathy contractions (I swear!) ever since she called me a few days ago to say that things were ramping up. I kept waking up in the middle of the night to check my phone and the blogs! I miss them so much. Having babies "together" has made me feel closer to them than ever and yet they are so far away :(

Here's the other thing: the ding-dang sciatica! It really, really hurts. I can barely walk these days. Yesterday, at PT, Marsha said that it seems like Spud's position (majorly favoring my left side) is pulling the right side of my pelvis off kilter. I believe it! I had that theory too. It defimitely feels like I have a pelvis out of whack. So, the twisting in my pelvis, along with the leftover damage from my dance injury, is making the pressure on my sciatic nerve worse. I did pretty well yesterday with not being too depressed and finding ways to pass the time while laying on my side or sitting on the big yoga ball. BUT, last night I had a big crash.

I generally do really well with pain, especially bone/muscle type pain, because I've been dealing with things like that for such a long time. It takes a while for it to occur to me that it's probably actually pretty bad that I can't walk! Ballet teaches you, whether it's a good skill to have or not, to push through pain as long as you're doing what you can to manage it and aren't going to further injure yourself. I did about 20 shows of the Nutcracker with a partially herniated disc and a fresh vertebral compression fracture, so it feels normal to me to deal with searing, zingy back pain. However, there's only so much I can take before it hits me that this is not normal, and I shouldn't be hurting all the time!

Last night, I was in bed reading stories from a natural birth book about women's successful drug-free, active births. I was waiting for my back to stop hurting enough for me to sleep (and I was jazzed waiting for news about Elijah and Beth). If you've been reading this blog for long, you know how excited I am about attempting a natural active birth, so the stories in the book usually get me very energized about the upsoming Spudkin arrival. I finally was too tired to read, so I got up for my first of the customary 10 billion bathroom trips. It took me about 30 seconds to get myself out of bed and another 40 or so to get to my bathroom (which is about 20 feet away). When I finally got back to bed, it occured to me that this situation is not only going to get really old if I stay this way for 5 more weeks, but it's going to be really hard to have the active birth I'm anticipating. So, that thought + pain + suddenly miserably wondering why these things always seem to happen to me led to my bursting into sobs. Poor Brendan woke up, and I preceded to really lose it.

This kind of thing really does seem to have a way of happening to me. I always get injured right before something important to me is about to happen. I know that I need to just humble myself and wait to see what God's doing with me this time. I know that whether he chooses to keep me in this pain all the way through the birth or alleviate it sooner, that it will be the right, good thing to be happening to me. I really struggle, though, with wondering why. I know this is wrong, but I get wrapped up in thinking that maybe if I would just hurry up and learn whatever lesson God may be trying to teach me that he would stop making me go through these things. I really get upset when I begin associating my current struggle with that PNB accident, and I wonder when, if ever, I'll finally be free from remembering and being forced to relive it and deal with the physical pain from it. I know that I'm too controlling. I always try to create my own laws to follow, and I imagine that if I can just do everything to my satisfaction and in my way, then I'll always be happy. This is a time for me to exercise all the things that God taught me during the Speck ordeal: Pray boldly like a little kid; trust God's love for me and goodness; wait patiently. I need prayer that I'll do those things and not fret... and that I'll stop hurting :)

Very Busy!

AGGHHHH! It's been crazy around here, but thankfully we're past the worst :). The move happened this past Saturday, and Brendan and I got a ton of stuff done over the holiday weekend. I'll take pictures of the finished new apartment and post them when things are looking good before Brendan's birthday party on Thursday.

All of the above are a brief smattering of snapshots from our life over the last couple of weeks. Scenes include:
MASSIVE Ikea trip
Constructing Spuddy's dresser and crib (crib compliments of the Hainjes :)
Picnic over the beautiful weekend
Gross and exhausted after the move
Rocking chair we blessedly found at Goodwill for $13
Cute linens I got for guest bed in Spud's room
and more!

Spud and I are doing pretty well. The sciatica is still MISERABLE, but I'm really trying to stay off my feet and see if more rest and downtime will help it improve. We are now in week 35!

Vertex!

Spud is head-down :) I told him that he's a good obeyer, and that we're all very proud that he's doing what he ought. Of course, it's not like he was late getting into position... I was just nervous because... well, because that's who I am!

Just the Facts

I've been putting off doing a post until I can get some of the great pictures I have off the camera and onto the blog, but I think that may still be a few days. So, here are some brief updates:

Headaches: much better! Haven't had one since Thursday :)

Spud: Wiggly and cute... still think he's wrong side up, but we have an appt. today and will hopefully learn more

Back: Murderously painful!!! Over the weekend a bad case of sciatica settled in on my right side, and it really is miserable. I have to limp :(

New Place: Looking good! Big move happening this Saturday, not that I'll be much help.

Mood: "Subject to Emotional Changes" is my new favorite disclaimer for myself adopted from Your Pregnancy: Week by Week. Generally though, I'm happy and thankful that I'll soon get to meet my son!

Missing all you friends across the land out there...

Weird Headaches

First thing I should say is: No, it's not preeclampsia, so don't worry. My blood pressure is fine, and I check it regularly

I have these really weird headaches that come with bizarro symptoms. About a month ago, the symptoms included tingling arms, face, and hands, slurred speech, and difficulty processing things in my mind. Each one has come with the predominant symptom of blurry vision. Although, it's not really like blurred vision as much as there are just these weird squiggly lines and starbursty things that happen in my periferal vision. The eye stuff always precedes the headache. I had two really bad ones a month ago, but then I didn't have any for a while. Then, starting Saturday, I've had one 4 out of the last 5 days. I've started taking tylenol and lots of water and seeking rest pretty quickly after the eye stuff starts, and the headaches themselves have been pretty mild compared to what they were last month. As I said, my blood pressure has been fine, so that makes me feel a little better about things. My midwife instructed me to just keep a record of the headaches and what the scenario is like.

So, I would appreciate your prayers that these will stop again. They're just really annoying and make me a little nervous.

A Little Spud Update

I realized that I have been so busy filling everyone in on Spud's new house that I haven't really been reporting on the spud himself. He's still doing really well. Our last checkup went fine: heartbeat still strong, my blood pressure is good, weird headaches stopped, and I think my iron is more on track. I'm feeling much bigger these days which means he's growing like he should.

Only one sort of frustrating thing: right now he's head-up. I refuse to refer to it as "breach" yet because he still has about 3 weeks in which he will very likely right (well, upside down) himself. "Only 3% actually present as breach at labor," I always tell myself. He's got his legs down in the space between the ridge of my scary hipbone and the bottom of my ribs on the left side. He's kicked me in the floating ribs more than a few times! If I recline on my left side (like the books say you should do ALL the stinkin' time), he starts stomping around there. Thankfully, my nice midwife said that it's fine for me rest on my right or even on my back if it feels ok. Although, it's now started to bother me a bit to be on my back. I try to encourage him to somersault with gentle massage in (what I imagine is) the right direction. Of course, because I'm silly, I always worry that I'm going to poke him the eye! I hate getting poked in the eye ;).

In other Spud news, we had a wild and crazy weekend. On Saturday, Spud went to the coolest, sold-out concert in town: DeVotchka! They were GREAT. So tight; so talented. Spud didn't seem to be too horrified, and I think he may have even really enjoyed the stimulation. We stood at the back of the crowd so that all the bodies could absorb the sound. I kept moving my head down to my own waist height to do volume checks. It was WAY quieter down there, so that helped me to feel better. Aside from enjoying the show, I was pretty miserable the whole time because I had to stand. A heartless, legalist security guy made me stand up... even between sets, and I'm like OBVIOUSLY pregnant now! Anyone who's known me long can testify to how hard it is for me to be on my feet in one place for too long because of my back problem. Well, it's 10 times worse pregnant! Thanks, PNB :). I paid for my fun at the show with 2 consecutive days of pretty bad residual back pain complete with sciatica. Oh well. I think it was worth it; the show was good. I'm glad it was good! That's the last show I'm going to for a while, I suspect.

Thankfully, I recently moved to a once a week schedule for physical therapy. Marsha is wonderful, and I don't know what I'd do without her! If you need a PT and you know me, email me for her info. My ribs still hurt often and much, but it's WAY better now that she's been working on them weekly. She significantly improved the sciatic pain too. Now, she's started working on my feet. I didn't even tell her they hurt. She just was looking at how I was standing and said, "oh, so your feet are starting to bother you. We'll work on that." Amazing. Of course, every time I tell her she's amazing and clever, she says, "Well, that's why you pay me. I'm supposed to know all this." :) I think Spud loves Marsha too because the better she makes me feel, the more willing I am to get out and move around, and Spud likes his human carrying case to sway as much as possible!

A final report: I have one pair of (non-extremely-schleppy) pants that fit me :(. Hopefully, the rumored hot weather will actually arrive, and I can start wearing skirts!

Yellow!

We worked out our yellow problem. After making many concoctions, the guy at Rodda figured out that whoever mixed my test quart had put the gallon formula in it. Hence, the test quart was more intense because it had 4 times more pigment than it should have had. So, he made me a gallon with 4 times more pigment than it should've had, and now I'm happy :)


Here's the final color! I just finished it up today

Here you can see the original gallon (that made me sad) next to the ori
ginal test quart
With Spudkins cutey little window. Now all I have to do is fix all the previous painters screw-ups on the ceiling and repaint the trim that they painted purple. We had to triple primer all the trim too. Painting trim and ceiling touch-ups are my final projects that I should finish by tomorrow! I can't wait to move on to the next projects. Ikea... here we come!

Progress

Here's Brendan pulling the tape... the fun part!
We were super excited by how it looked! We were a little worried that our choice would be too bright and crazy, but we love it! Just wait until I'm done putting that room together... it's going to be so cool!

OLD...
vs. NEW! So much better
This is the current state of Spuddy Buddy's room. 3 coats of primer! The room looks much larger and brighter now that it's no longer a purple cave :). We currently have an issue with the yellow. The paint store gave me a test quart that was, I think, a shade darker than the color on the paint chip. Then, they gave me a gallon that, I think, is a shade lighter than the color on the paint chip. SO, the gallon color is WAY wrong. I'd rather have what I think was the wrong color in the test quart. Anyway, for some reason the paint store can't get #7905 right, so I have to go in there today and figure things out with them. It was really sad when we opened up the paint last night. I was so excited to get going on the color in there! Oh well, we'll do it tonight.

Here's a cutey picture of Brendan and Dan sampling Glenlivet with chocolate. They came up with that pose themselves, but I made them do it a bunch of times for the picture. :) It was good to have Dan in town. Of course, it made me miss Beth. We talked about how having just the three of us hanging out was reminiscent of the Barbie Apt. days. Things were definitely more fun for me once Beth entered the scene back then!

Belly Picture Time

These are from a couple of weeks ago, so actually it's bigger than this. I'll get Rib to do a current one some time soon. I also am going to take and post some pictures of our progress on the painting job at the new place. :)

Hurray, Hurray for the First of May

May 1 means that we now have the keys to our new place! I've never been so excited about a place in my life (and this is location #8 for Seattle!). Hmm, maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's the first place I'll live with my little Spudkin. Well, first place we'll live with him on the outside :)The front.
One half of living space. that end will be the TV end
The other half of the living area. Brendan's office space!
my cute kitchen and back door
my dishwasher! and a very obscured view of my little breakfast nook. table will go under that hanging light. I like the window right there

my bedroom
another bedroom view... what were they thinking with that lime green paint on the door frame?

my tiny but sufficient bathroom

utility room. stacked washer and dryer are at the end by the window on the left

Spud's room! It's going to go from purple to some kind of yellow. That'll be quite the paint job!

Whitney's BELATED Birthday!

ACKKK! I can't believe how remiss I've been to not post about how wonderful my sister is for her birthday! Her birthday was the 29th, and she is now the very attractive age of 20. I've always thought that 20 is the very most svelt age you can be. You're finally in your twenties, but you're not that gauche age of 21 in which all anyone can think about is the fact that you can (legally) drink!

So, without further ado, a few words about my sister:
Whitney and I are 5 years apart in age, but you'd never probably guess it because she's so stinkin' grown up. I'm able to talk with her about anything, and she's always able to display extraordinary empathy (a major skill) even if she has never actually, personally been through what's going on with me. She is also able to give practical advice in such a way that she doesn't sound like a big know-it-all (which is usually what happens when I try to dispense advice).
She's the funniest girl I've ever known, and I've known some funny ones! But, no one can get me rollin' on the floor laughing like she can! All I have to say is: "We are cavemen. We want TV!" Finally, Whitney has the best cheeks (I mean face!) and legs in the whole family. Mom and I have always envied her ability to look great in any shoe :)

I miss Whit a lot. It SUCKED to not see her this last visit to Amarillo. One of these days, she and her new husband, Dustin, are hoping to move to Portland, so maybe I'll finally get to see more of her!