It has been so long since I last posted that I actually had to sit and think about how to go about doing a post! Well, sorry, it's been a heck of a 2010! I don't want to go into it. None of it was a huge deal, but there were enough light and momentary troubles to keep us praying (and exhausted) always.
So, here I am now. It's Ivo's due date :). I'm a happy, happy girl who loves my children and my husband, and I AM SO EXCITED to finally meet my baby and have things be about him for a while. I think that the easiest way to share where I'm at today for all of you who love us and want to know how to pray is to just transcribe this letter to Ivo and the prayer that follows it. So, here goes (spilling my guts and baring my soul on the internet... just like old times!)
Today is your due date according to my calendar. The U.S. showed maybe May 5, but I, of course, like the 3rd better. It feels right to me even though it doesn't seem like you'll be born today, but I hope that things will start tonight. I've been hoping that every night for a while now, though. Maybe you'll just be like Ezra and come in a few days. I can't believe that it's time, and yet I'm SO eager to see you that I can hardly stand it!!! I really cannot wait to see what you look like and I'm, now, really excited to birth again.
Last week was hard for all sorts of reasons (one being RATS!), but this week feels much better. I credit the Spirit and the word of God that has been in my heart. Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." These simple instructions have been just the help I have needed to wait and be excited for your birth. I also had a really great weekend with your Daddy and brother. All three of us are waiting and joyfully hoping. It's crazy how excitedly impatient I can be for something that I can almost KNOW will happen in the next 2 wks.!
I am READY.
Lord, would you bring labor tonight? You will be praised! I'm thankful that my hope can be that only your will will be done. It will turn out how you want it too. You will hold me. I don't need to be afraid.
Please can I have my Ivo tonight? Please can I see him? Please can I hold him? Lord, will you give me the grace to ride throught the pain with love, thankfulness, and relaxation. Will you give Cindie and Mel wisdom and skill? Will you keep Ivo's heart strong and breathe his first breaths for him? Will you keep my side pain and any nerve pain away? Can I have the urge to push? Could I stretch and not tear? Can Ezra be happy, safe, and fearless while we work. Open my heart to everyone who loves me and will be with me, especially you. I trust you with all this and do love you, Father.
I know you care about me the way I care for my children. How wonderful to be loved like that by God of the Universe! I'm ready for what you want to give me but only because I can trust you to hold me and give me grace and fruit from the Spirit to use. I truly feel joyful in hope, and I know that it's from you. If it would bring you more glory, Lord, although the words catch in my throat and my pen, give me trials in this labor and make me wait longer, but give me grace to honor you miraculously in spite of any odds. I will not be worse off for you getting more glory in whatever happens to us. I am weak, though, God, so you must hold me up, or I'm sure to fail if I'm left alone. We all are. So, Lord, hold our hands, even Ezra's and Ivo's (especially!), and let us boldly trust you.
God, it is harder for me to believe that all my requests (including a birth in the next 24 hrs) could be answered affirmatively than it is for me to believe that your will would be to make me wait or even suffer for the sake of your glory. Father, I don't know what that's about. I don't know if it's good or bad, so I just ask for wisdom, humility, your grace, and for Jesus before you to plead for the right things for me. Oh God, you see my thoughts. You see how I long to have an amazing tale of your riches being poured out on me. Lord, help me to see that I already have had that! I have that tale. Jesus died for me so that I can even lie here and write this prayer to you with the confidence that your ear is listening and that your are pleased by my coming to you. Thank you for my adoption into your family. Take my children too! And bring Ivo to me soon! Please, Father, PLEASE!