Feeling Better and Seeing Baby

This month I learned the importance of always knowing your own TSH number. That may mean nothing to you, and I actually hope it means nothing; that would imply that you maybe have a thyroid that works. My thyroid, however, is a dead crusty thing that no longer does its job. I've known this for a long time, and have been on replacement thyroid hormones for about 7 years (Dang! I'm getting older!). When that TSH is high, it's bad news. My first pregnancy measurements showed that my TSH was super high and that I needed more medication. Long story short (and some alarming, insensitive comments from an endocrinologist about my baby omitted), it took me awhile to get on the proper dose. The 7 day half-life of the medication means that it takes about a week after beginning a new dose to feel its effects. MORAL: know my number and get the right medicine quickly.

Because...

I feel so much better!! POTS still sucks, and I do have experiences of it even on good days, but I have mostly functioned like a semi-normal person (or at least a normal pregnant person) for 4 whole days! Cue the singing princess and the chirping little bluebirds! I went to the store even! I don't know how long this will last, but I'm hoping I may be sliding into the 2nd trimester and the hope that POTS symptoms will improve. I also can tell that I'm on the proper thyroid doses, and that is a very good thing (just ask my endocrinologist).

I had a visit with my midwife today that I was very much looking forward to. For one thing, I love her, and she is a dear friend to me. Secondly, I was pretty worried about my baby, and I really needed to hear that heartbeat. Hypothyroidism is connected to miscarriage. I also have only lost weight (which is not that unusual but is not reassuring). I also just worry about that stuff because of my history, my family history, and too many bad things happening to good friends. Well, we couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler, and I was thinking, "oh no, so this is how it goes." Thankfully, my midwife now has an ultrasound machine and ultrasound training, and she pulled it out immediately. Right away, as if already displaying the family traits, there was my baby doing a crazy dance as if he or she was aware of being on stage. PRAISE GOD! Baby looked great! 4 limbs and a heart beat- I'll take it! I will be 12 weeks on Tuesday (not that I'm counting...)

Today's technological visit with my baby was such a comfort to me and just made me fall that much more in love with the child. I can't wait to meet him or her and can already sense the joy that is in store for us. Just telling the boys about the ultrasound made them giggle and smile. The fact that they can't wait to have this kid in our family too makes the whole thing just that much more fun. I really do love kids. And I mean all kids, but I also mean MY kids.

(Of course, as I write that, my daughter is downstairs throwing an epic fit about bedtime to St. Brendan, and one of my sons has left a duplo mine field around my bed. Still- I love my kids!)

I'm grateful tonight for celebratory frozen chocolate cheesecakes from Trader Joe's, ultrasound technology, a fantastic midwife, and the bravery required to undertake this pregnancy. All of these have been opportunities for me to see God's love. It is always there, and I wish I was ALWAYS looking for it. I can even be grateful for the terrible few weeks in a row I suffered because they help me to keep my eyes open.