Back in Seattle

I don't have the energy to do the big photo post right now, but I promise to get to that sometime later this week. For photos you can go to Robbins or Partain blogs (links at right)!

Meanwhile, I'll just tell you a bit about how it felt to be there and feels to be back in Seattle. My bed felt great, although we were very comfortable on our trip. I enjoyed grocery shopping yesterday, and I'm excited to get back to cooking and meal planning. Other than those things, though, it mostly is really hard to be back home. I cried intermittently the whole first day or two that I was with everyone in Indie because I just couldn't stop thinking about how different and, often, lonely things are back here now that those folks are gone. I felt like the tired two year old who doesn't know whether to laugh hysterically or cry whenever something fun would be happening. After I settled in (and recovered from my exhaustion from traveling), the crying urge went away, and it was just WONDERFUL to be back in easy, fun, familiar, encouraging company. I loved enjoying that phenomenon of encounters with old friends through which you feel like no time at all has passed since you last were together. Actually, it did feel like time had passed, time that made us closer as the absence, I think, had definitely made our hearts grow fonder. Of course, it was only a matter of time before everyone's little idiosyncrasies emerged, and we were back to pushing buttons and yanking chains in the old way too! Even that was great, though; they feel like my siblings.

Being at Redeemer Indy felt like being at the former Green Lake, Jason was a pastor at GL back when I started going there. He was the youth pastor when Rib and I started dating. So, with Jason preaching and Nathan leading worship, it was major deja vu. That made me cry a lot too. Things are just SOOOO different now at our church here. I believe that God is causing and controlling all the changes, but that doesn't make them emotionally easier to deal with. I didn't know I was having such a hard time with how different and unfamiliar my own church feels until recently. I'm trying to be open to the changes, though. Even though they are hard for us and things feel weird sometimes, we try to be advocates for what the church is doing because we believe that God is guiding us. We're definitely not in a phase of laying back to enjoy; this is a time of serious work and conscious attempts to avoid complaining, sadness, and crabbiness! I kind of feel like the summer was just such a huge emotional blow that I basically cocooned myself, and I'm just now coming out and seeing how everything around me and I have changed. There are two choices of how to respond: crawl back in cocoon and mope about it or get with the program, pray that God will show me his will for me, his church, and our lives in this city and move forward. I'm trying to do the latter, and by God's grace, I know I will. He certainly has helped me to do it before! This is all very familiar in some ways because I went through a similar phase when I had to transition out of dancing. It just takes time.

Speaking of things that take time, my time of baby incubation is really almost over! I'm 7 months now. So, that means I have about 2 months and 3 weeks left. I'm actually looking more pregnant these days. Over the last week, I think Spud really started getting bigger. My abs have been in denial, but I think they are finally starting to let go so that the Spud bubble can hang out some more. I'm glad! I'm tired of having muscle cramps and spasms in my belly! Although, given the amount of expansion that still will happen over the next months, I'm sure I'm in for some more discomfort. All part of the package, I guess, a very, very worthwhile package. He's adorable. I love him like crazy, and I consider every kick, scrape, wiggle, and hiccup a personal message from Spud to me and Brendan to remember that our God loves us and obviously has some big plans for us! I guess, really, that Spud is just the practically unconscious messenger carrying these reminders from the Lord, but who knows what can go on in the heart and mind of a little Spud growing, I pray, already in God's grace. If rocks and trees could cry out if they had to, then I'm sure little incubated babies could too!

A parting word:
Travel as a pregnant woman is an exercise is in the control of what I like to call "peemergencies." In the last 10 days, it is safe to say that I peed in 9 different cities. Think about that!

Being at